Note: This compilation occurred to me more than a year ago. In fact, the reason I logged on to Facebook on March 14, 2017, was to reach out to Alan and propose that we combine our efforts, merging his Colorado Calling and my Jersey Rejoicing into one poem. Instead, I learned that morning of Alan's passing a few days earlier. It threw me for a loop, and the idea got pushed to the back of my mind. But it was always there, tickling me every once in a while, until I finally decided to go ahead and have that talk with Alan on his birthday yesterday (March 16). He told me — yes, really! — that the idea sounded rather clever, and I should go for it — as long as I gave him credit. Here is the result...
Colorado Calls, Jersey Rejoices
By Alan W. Jankowski and M.P. Witwer
Moved to Colorado the other day,
Told the wife I needed to get away.
_____At last he's gone, hip hip hooray!
____Let him go mooch off the cannabis cadre.
I guess she didn't think that I'd be gone long,
Since all I packed was underwear and a bong.
____No doubt he'll return before too long—
____(Given the bum's rush, the urge will be strong.)
The decision to move was easy to make,
In fact, it was a piece of cake.
____For too many years I put up with that snake,
____His easygoing image was phony, a fake.
Ten long years with that naggin' bitch,
I definitely knew it was time for a switch.
____Without provocation, a fit he'd pitch,
____Whenever he had a budding itch.
One day I just realized that I had enough,
So I grabbed a bag, and packed my stuff,
____One day I decided to call his bluff,
____So he stomped around in a terrible huff.
Didn't even bother to say 'Goodbye,'
All I could think about was getting high.
____While packing essentials (his pipes and some rye),
____He grumbled disjointedly about a Rocky Mountain High.
I knew I belonged here, it was in my blood,
To live in a state where I can buy premium bud,
____My heart rejoiced as the door closed with a thud.
____Yes! Finally free, I'm rid of a dud.
Yeah, getting away was really the point,
You might say I traded the wife for a joint.
____If the leech thinks he's missed, I must disappoint.
____Divorcing that jerk is the foregone endpoint.
Just bought me another bag of weed,
Seems I got everything here I need,
____Jobless, no prospects...who will pay for his weed?
____For, even padded, his resume lists just one deed.
Once I smoke me another blunt,
I'll forget all about that evil gal.
____His laughable job? "Journeyman Flock Mucker"—
____(He shoveled chicken shit once, the lying guy.)
Now the smoking be really fine,
The 7-11 is where I dine,
____Ah, but his half-baked dealings are no worry of mine.
____The freeloader gone, it's my turn to shine!
No one to be a constant pain in my ass,
While I'm sitting here smoking up my grass.
____No one to whine, complain and be crass—
____I'll savor the good life, one with some class.
It's nice to be here on my own,
Sparking up yet another bone,
____It's pure bliss to be here on my own,
____Not listening to someone just sit there and moan.
On days I don't want to roll,
I can just pack me a bowl.
____The possibilities are endless without him on my dole.
____To my good fortune, I lift a glass and say, "Skol!"
These days I got a smile on my face,
A huge grin you just can't erase,
____I've chucked all the junk that was taking up space.
____It couldn't be forwarded; he left with no trace.
No nagging bitch to drive me insane,
Just hangin' here with Mary Jane.
____No more lazy stoner to serve as my bane,
____It's time to celebrate, crack out the champagne!
I'd like to sit around and conversate,
But with Mary Jane, I got a date,
____Whether it's a calling, karma, kismet or fate,
____Divine Providence saw fit to give me a clean slate.
And if you happen to run into my ex-wife,
You can tell her I finally got a life.
____And if the ex should happen to invade my new life,
____He can keep walking—I'm done with him and his strife.
01-09-14. © Alan W. Jankowski
____© 2014 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved