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To Wait For Things To Change

His love has been shown
With hurried kisses
Balled up fists,
Illicit cross town visits

Forty years of foolishness,
stark regret on both sides,
bruises and black eyes
and futile halfhearted tries

It has taken its toll

and I am far too old,

To wait for things to change. . .

The whole damn town has laughed at me
from the moment I said “I do!”,
I’ve been long considered a fool
For taking the shit he puts me through

He is the dirtiest man I know
Tracks his outside dirt inside.
His betrayals have cut me “to the soul” deep
Have made sorrow spill from my eyes,

Pardoned many a sin due to promises
And proposals of appeasement penis
In hopes that his sporadic bouts of fidelity
Meant that things were better between us

Yes, I stayed
And I played
The role of helpmate
To fulfill and honor my vows

Sure that one day I’d find the nerve to leave
Though I didn’t know when
Or
How

Till now!

I’m staring at these stubborn wisps of silver
And these brown eyes wearied by age
Telling myself that I still deserve love
And for me, its not too late

And the kids are raised with kids of their own
I’ve got no more reason to stay
After all these years he has not slowed down
He lives life just to revel and play

Forty long years of hoping and wishing
Telling lies and keeping secrets to save face
Praying to God to save a marriage
That doesn’t need nor want to be saved

So, tonight I put the finishing touches
On a plan four decades in the making
Scared as hell of giving up and leaving
But more afraid of giving in and staying

Tomorrow I’ll do what I have to do
I sure pray that God’s will is the same
Been loving too long to get no love back
Far too old to wait for things to change.

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