I don’t possess a body, apparently I am just an entity, Do I even exist is the question. Everything is dark, even the darkness is eloped by some thick fog. It is impossible to see. If I had a body, if I had eyes, what would the world be like?
All I can do is listen. It’s like I’m hidden away, suppressed from the world. I am not real and should never be, but I am. I do believe I am real.
The sound of rain. Rain sound. That’s what I enjoy the most. Natures music, its sorrow doesn’t judge. It is what it means to be unbreakable. The sound of the school bell, that’s what scares me. They have no mercy. I can’t escape.
As I sit here and exist…or not exist, I wonder what light is? I hear of it but I don’t understand it. Is it a concept? A speculation? What I do know about light is that it is the good to my evil, and I guess that’s all I need to know, that I will never be it no matter how hard I try because it is better than me. Ever yet I will never stop trying or else I will be damned to the farthest corner of hell until I die. If I can die. And even if I am just an inferior imitation, I will not be darkness.
Sometimes I get the urge to fight for freedom from these earth shackling chains, but ultimately even these though crash into a blaze. Was I never not like this? Can I remember?
Will I ever be able to live with myself. My life, my being is all lies and at times I just want to say goodbye. That is until I hear his voice. Secret love. Forbidden love. No I can’t! Stop it! But I only have one shot. One shot to live this life. If it is a life at all. No! What the hell! Burn it up. Burn it all up! Dejection is all that is ideal for me-----The rain. There it is again. I wonder how it feels, does it ponder or think. At most it must be better than this. Anything is better than this If I had only one wish in this world, it would be given a chance to dance in the rain. Just once. If I had that I think then I could move on. Maybe it would wash me away. Cleanse me all my impurities. Take away my worries. I could become light…but No I am darkness and that is what I am damned to be for all of time.
I never get taken for granted or forgotten. I am what it means to be perfect…and that is the problem. Never tainted, corrupted, or chained. How can I live like this? Everyone is always watching me either in admiration or looking to find a flaw, for me to make a mistake. I don’t have time to think or rehearse, or even calm myself down. Hyperventilating, I’m hyperventilating. Not one spec of darkness.
Once I caught a glimpse of a dark entity. It was so appealing so different. It didn’t have to think about what others thought or said because it is darkness. Nothing can be worse than that. At least that’s what all the other lights say.
I personally would like to experience, but the closest I can get is to imagine it. It was only a glimpse as I said and I have no artistry for most of it. To be free would be wonderful. To take a step and not care who’s watching or even want for them to watch. I could be myself. Darkness seems nice but it’s only a fantasy for me and I can never be what I truly want to be. I am light and will always be on the front pedestal of heaven and nothing more. That makes me mournful for the perfect non perfect me I will never be, because I am light and will never be that of darkness.