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Frank And The Monster Ch2: The man in the monsters body

"A humorous take off of a classic"
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“You ever hear of a man named Vladimir Dracula?” The creature asked, his eyes boring into those of the skinny scientists; watching to see what his reaction would be.

Victor was pretty naive to be sure, not having any friends and all, but even he knew of Count Dracula. “The Vampire” he stammered, while jumping out of his chair and looking towards the door; his intent, to make a run for it.

“Relax!” The monster chuckled knowingly. “Most of what you've heard about me isn't true.” Slowly rising, the creature stood and stretched its arms and legs, testing each of them out experimentally. “Actually, short of being immortal and having to avoid sunlight, the rest of that folklore is rubbish... I can assure you, I've never once drank anyone’s blood, outside of a good Bloody Mary cocktail that is. All those stories you've heard about me were propagated by an enemy of mine. A scoundrel by the name of Van Helsing, Abraham Van Helsing.

“Your kidding,” the doctor replied, still standing behind his chair just in case.

“No, I'm not. Actually, those stories of me drinking blood and flying around as a bat were fabricated in order to get gullible peasants to help hunt me down for him. As you well know it worked; I was after all dead when you came across me and dug me up.

“That's right!” The little scientist answered, breathing a sigh of relief. “Uh! How exactly did that happen, you being immortal and all?” He asked.

“As I have already mentioned,” Dracula said, I need to avoid sunlight. Something about it will kill me. In fact those dimwitted villagers did kill me when they drug me out of my cell in order to hang me. Once I was subjected to the morning sunlight I collapsed and passed out. I was dead even before those nimrods hung me.” The monsters face took on a look of disgust and shook his head. “Stupid is as stupid does,” he quoted some saying. “I assume your helper dug me up and took my remains to you; my head at any rate.”

“Uh! Actually it was only your brain that I could use,” Victor admitted. “For some reason, the rest of your body was kind of melted.”

The monsters eyes went wide, his hands quickly moving to feel its face. “You mean my face is that of someone else?” He asked in shock.

“Well, yeah,” Victor replied. No longer afraid, he came around the chair to stand before his creation.

“You got a mirror, Doc?” Vladimir asked.

Victor Von Frankenstein gazed around the clutter of his lab. There was however, no mirror to be found so he did the next best thing. “Here,” he said handing over a somewhat polished platter. “See if this will work.”

The monstrosity took the make shift mirror held it up and peered at its features. Though the reflection was not the best, it was good enough. “Kind of a pale looking fella aren't I,” The Vampire speculated.

“Sorry”, the doctor replied. “I did the best I could with what I had. Not to fear though,” he said, “the longer you remain alive, the better your skin should become. At least I think so.”

“Remain alive!” The creature uttered in a questioning manner. “What do you mean by that crack?”

“Well,” Victor replied, “the people around here don't exactly like me any more than they did you. Therefore, I'm incline to think, they wont be to thrilled with you as you are now, you being my creation and all. In fact a mob tried to lynch me just last week.” He explained somewhat guiltily. Had to do with a misunderstanding over a missing cow,” Victor said quickly looked away unable to meet the former Dracula's gaze.

“Missing cow?” The giant pressed. “Just what did you need a cow for?”

“Well, I sort of used some of its parts in you,” he confessed. “The rest I cooked and ate. Kind of on the tough side too,” he added offhandedly.

“Your telling me, I'm part cow.” Vlad choked out in shock. “Just what else did you put in me, Doc. Two rabbits and a gopher?” He sat down on the steal table with an audible plop and waited for the bad news he suspected he'd get.

“Well, let me think,” Frankenstein said gathering his thoughts. There are parts from seven different bodies.” He said and began ticking them off one at a time on his fingers. “Six men, one woman, and of course the cow.” Other than that...”

“Whoa! Stop right there Doc,” Dracula sputtered in a near catatonic state. “I'M A WOMAN?” Involuntary, Vlad's hands descended in a Southerly direction intent on verifying the shocking statement.

“Well,” the little doctor said, taking a few steps back. “Not technically. As you recall your, Uh, your plumbing, is all of the male gender, I assure you.” The creatures eyes, he saw, visibly relaxed somewhat and the doctor breathed a sigh of relief. Victor, did notice that the giant's hands remained where they were as if to make sure that, that fact remained that way. Still observing his creation, he went on. “I, of course, do not know if it still functions in that manner or not,” he said. If catatonic was the state of mind Dracula had been in before, this latest admission sent the former Vampire into a state bordering on an apocalyptic melt down.

“Calm yourself,” the skinny scientist cried out, alarmed. “It's just that your kind of a first you see. There aren't any other reanimated dead men walking around you know. We're sort of tip-toeing into unknown territory here. Anything is possible. You'll just have test yourself”, he went on, “and that includes your... Um. “You know.”

Dracula repeatedly looked down and up, unsure where to keep his eyes. “Well,” He finally replied, his heart still pounding in his massive chest. “I suppose there is nothing to gain by dwelling on this at the moment. Don't get me wrong Doc, I am grateful to be back among the living. If that means some readjustments, I guess that can't be helped.”

“As I said, Victor continued. “You'll just have to test yourself in that particular area. That part may function quite well. In fact, considering your proportions, it could work very well.” Vlad’s eyes visibly brightened.

“Mr. Dracula,” Frankenstein said changing the subject, Just what did you mean when I implied you were as broke as I was and you responded, that's not exactly true?”

Vlad grinned openly at the meek looking little doctor, “I thought you knew about the gold.” He replied.

'GOLD!” Victor stammered. “What gold?”

“My gold.” Dracula chuckled, his multicolored eyes sparkling with mischief. “I did tell you I was a Count if you'll recall. Not only that but a very wealthy Count. That hasn't really changed much... well the rich part anyways. I guess I can kiss being referred to as a Count goodbye considering my new body and all. But as far as my wealth, that is still mine and safely hidden where only I know. In point of fact I have stashes of gold and jewels stored in several different hiding places, you know, for emergencies.”

Victor's eyes lit up. “Wow! He uttered in disbelief. “I had no idea.” Suddenly the doctors thoughts drifted to a related subject. “What about this arch enemy of yours?” He asked. “This Van Helsinki. Do you think he thinks your dead?”

“Van Helsing,” Dracula corrected absently. “You know Vic my boy, that's a good question.” The monstrous man stood there pondered all the facts that they knew so far. “I suppose Helsing could have heard of my demise. However I think it may be a better idea to assume he has not. We wouldn't want him to take us by surprise now would we. New body or not, I'd just assume to play it safe. Aye Doc.

Victor nodded his head in agreement. “I suppose you are right.” Victor looked his creation over, an idea forming in his head. “You should probably start going under a new guise then.”

“Guise?” Dracula inquired.

“Yes," the scrawny doctor said. “It would be wise I think for you to use a new name; new body, so why not a new name too.”

“Your a jewel Doc. That's a darn good idea.”

Both stood looking at the other and thought. Finally Victor made a suggestion. “How about Van Halen?”

“Hmm,Van Halen.” The monster spoke out loud, trying the name on for size. “Does have a kind of ring to it, doesn't it. What about a first name. If we're going this far, we might as well go all out.”

“Your probably right,” Victor agreed. “Vlad is an uncommon enough name to draw some undo suspicion if the wrong people here it.” Unconsciously the tiny doctor started rubbing his chin with his right hand, a habit picked up sometime in his early childhood. “Well,” he went on speculating, “I've always been partial to the name Edward.”

“Edward Van Halen,” Dracula said, combining the two names into one. “Sounds like a real rock'n name.

“Yeah,” Frankenstein agreed, “it does roll off the tongue well.”

The big monster stood up with a grin on its face and a sparkle in each mismatched eye. “What do you say we go find one of my stashes of gold and have us a grand night on the town then. You know, to celebrate my re-birthday so-to-speak.” Dracula burst out in laughter at his own joke and was soon joined by Victor.

“You want to hear something else funny,” the little man said holding his stomach in mirth.

What's that Doc? The newly renamed Vampire asked.

“When I was a child, my mother used to tell me I needed to make some friends to play with. And here I am, Forty years later, literally, making my very first friend.” The irony hit both at the same time and the uproarious laughter echoed throughout the castles halls.

“You know Vic,” the giant said wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

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