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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
The Old-Timer's Lament

Now that I've reached the point in my life where I pretty much know my way around, there ain't a helluva lot of places left for me to go..... During the
course of my travels, somewhere along the way I was able to participate in a miracle--somehow I managed to get over the hill without ever reaching the top.

👑cookie princess 🍪
Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire ?
The vampire stops sucking when all the blood is gone
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
"What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

BREATHE!!"
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
"What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? "



Bison.
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"There once was an explosion at a cheese factory in France......"


De-brie everywhere
👑cookie princess 🍪
Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
What's the difference between a shark and lawyer ..
The shark doesn't eat it's own kind
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?

My name is Paul.
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Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Patrick: "What school?"
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo?





This ain't my first rodeo.



Have a wonderful day all.
"No one knows when the final grain of sand will plummet through their own personal Hourglass." ~ CKAcres
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Confused about paying an invoice, a successful young businessman decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “You just graduated from college and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

Primus Omnium
Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Jokes are something I never remember. But this is a funny cartoon strip.



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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Tramp knocks at the door of a posh house and asked if there are any odd jobs to be done.
"Sure," says the owner. "You can put a coat of paint on the porch."

An hour later the tramp knocks and says;

"I done that fer yer, Mister but I am surprised that yer taught yer Ferrari were a Porsche!"

The third part of this epic journey starts here... https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-long-road-home-chapter-1.aspx 

If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:

https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-nurses.aspx

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
here is an awesome joke for all you mind readers out there
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Why did General De Gaul have Greek letters around his cap?

Because he would have looked ridiculous with French ones!

The third part of this epic journey starts here... https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-long-road-home-chapter-1.aspx 

If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:

https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-nurses.aspx

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Quote by AnnaMayZing
Why did General De Gaul have Greek letters around his cap?

Because he would have looked ridiculous with French ones!




Beyond me, I don't get it.



Oh wait, are you referring to what we call a "capote anglaise" in French? An english hood?


The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius



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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
A magic tractor was driving down the road when it turned into a field.
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Quote by gypsy
Quote by AnnaMayZing
Why did General De Gaul have Greek letters around his cap?

Because he would have looked ridiculous with French ones!




Beyond me, I don't get it.



Oh wait, are you referring to what we call a "capote anglaise" in French? An english hood?



Yes.

The third part of this epic journey starts here... https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-long-road-home-chapter-1.aspx 

If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:

https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-nurses.aspx

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Quote by AnnaMayZing
Quote by gypsy
Quote by AnnaMayZing
Why did General De Gaul have Greek letters around his cap?

Because he would have looked ridiculous with French ones!




Beyond me, I don't get it.



Oh wait, are you referring to what we call a "capote anglaise" in French? An english hood?



Yes.


Oh okay

Hilarious...

not



The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius



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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Quote by gypsy
Quote by AnnaMayZing
Quote by gypsy
Quote by AnnaMayZing
Why did General De Gaul have Greek letters around his cap?

Because he would have looked ridiculous with French ones!




Beyond me, I don't get it.



Oh wait, are you referring to what we call a "capote anglaise" in French? An english hood?



Yes.


Oh okay

Hilarious...

not



Sorry... Not.

The third part of this epic journey starts here... https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-long-road-home-chapter-1.aspx 

If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:

https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-nurses.aspx

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
Forum Facilitator
Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
**Deleted by moderator**


The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius



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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
So...

Veiled condom jokes and jibes are fine at Stories Space?

Pretty sure that is not so.

Whatever...

I'm sorry? Aren't you making just a little too much of this? If you wish have a go, please do so privately and not in the forum for which you are supposed to be a facilitator!

The third part of this epic journey starts here... https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-long-road-home-chapter-1.aspx 

If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:

https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-nurses.aspx

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Whilst visiting the Olympic Park in Munich, I saw a man approaching who was wearing sports gear and carrying a long pole on his shoulder.
I said, as he passed,
"Excuse me, are you a Pole Vaulter?"
He stopped and stared at me before replying,
"Nein, I am German and how did you know my name is Walter?"

The third part of this epic journey starts here... https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-long-road-home-chapter-1.aspx 

If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:

https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-nurses.aspx

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
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Stories Space Logo 0 likes 3 years ago
Forum Facilitator
Stories Space Logo 0 likes 2 years ago
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary…

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM – Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage..

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now….


The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius