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G
Aminals

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Read Time 3 min
Published 2 years ago

“I am Mother Nature, and I hereby call to order the first annual meeting of the Bureau for Oversight and Observation of Beasts In Existence. Our mission here at B.O.O.B.I.E. is to design and implement the types of animals that shall roam my earth.”

“Well, I for one think it’s about time. The plants have taken over this place. There’s not any place to walk anymore.”

“Shut up Clyde. You’re the one who came up with ferns.”

“Does anybody have any ideas?”

“Yes. I’ve got this idea for something really big. I mean it’s mammoth. Huge. No hands though. Just four feet. And hairy. Lots of hair.”

“If it doesn’t have hands how will it feed itself?”

“Hmm… what if we gave it a really long nose that reaches all the way to the ground?”

“Oh, yes. It could eat the ferns. And give it tusks. We have a couple in the warehouse.”

“What shall we call it? Big Hair? Long-nosed thingy?”

“Let’s go with Wooly Mammoth. We can change it later. Anybody else?”

“I do. It’s kind of a weird design though.”

“Is that it? Why does it have such a long neck?”

“So it can eat tree tops. Somebody has to groom this place.”

“Gonna be a bitch to wrap as a gift someday. What do you call it?”

“Grrrr… after this I’ll keep my mouth closed.”

“Wait. What did you just say?”

“I’ll keep my mouth closed?”

“No. The first part. We’ll call it a giraffe.”

“I’ve got something. It’s a tiny ball of fur and it sits in your lap and purrs when you pet it.”

“It’s a start Charlie. Only make it as big as a truck with sharp claws and a couple of teeth about two feet long so it can kill things dead. Walt, what are you working on?”

“Well, I’ve got this big fleshy blob that has eight legs with suckers. It climbs trees.”

“No, the trees are already too full. Make it swim in the ocean and you might have something. Who else?”

“Me. I’ve been working on something that lives in the desert and doesn’t need water. I’m still working on the final design though. I may give it a hump.”

“Why a hump?”

“Well, I was going with wings but Duane stuck ‘em on his unicorn. Now there’s a design for ya’. What an idiot.”

“You two stop bickering. We have a warehouse full of horns and wings and there’s plenty to go around. Any more ideas?”

“I’ve got another. It’s furry and cute and will be man’s best friend. I call it puppy.”

“Maybe this line of work isn’t for you Charlie. How about you just run out and get lunch for everyone. And no more egg rolls! You never know what they put in those things.”

“Now… who the hell came up with jellyfish?”

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