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I did my best when the call came down the line and I was taken up to that platform of surrender, as I closed my eyes and took a breath to clear both my heart and mind. As I found myself looking at the cold winter dawn and the dark light of the sun on the horizon and find I am reminded of metal. Finding myself with a taste of metal and it feels like I am tasting tin or copper, and wondering if it is because the view reminded me of metal? My hands are cold and I am wondering if I should drop to my knees and ask for either guidance or for the answer(s) for all that I see? I can close my eyes and hold my tongue, and I can bleed when I fall with nothing but these brittle bones to break my fall. As the harbingers of war and their natures stand revealed.

Remembering when I stood out on a broken field and chances went by, as I wished the memories would heal but, that undone war still rages and stings. With my senses at times feeling torn, and needing the page to turn so that something new could be seen as well as the reasons why. Still I have the occasional whiteout of emotions, as I tried to live with the old memories that die hard and still those faces pass on by wearing black and white and hiding their real faces. Making it seem as though vaudeville is so much fun in this vicious cabaret especially when implications, and insinuations are made till they attempt to move in for the kill.

It’s all a game in the name of misbehavior with the flavour of blame until one can’t lie still from the turmoil that’s felt, as one tries to avoid failure or disaster when the true colours start to bleed. Feeding the rain and walking away when the world seems to be burning from their game. Heading on down the line and still feeling nervous at times when I pass the occasional open door and searching for forgiveness and knowing there is nothing to be explained to anyone but myself. To release all of the bindings in reality which can be daunting finds all out of place, and no true direction to follow. Which sometimes has me thinking and wondering if this journey directed by the Tao is a lost cause. But, then I can’t afford to linger on those thoughts and views.

Having at times been struck across the face by sound loud enough to taste, as it attempted to drive the way choices and thoughts from my mind and the words felt like bullets of fire striking home. After having been built up and then torn down like those walls I have passed that are crumbling back into dust, and then again that was another place and time with no warning signs in another or past lifetime. Still there are those few I have dreamed of while wide awake and have felt at times like they have called across the skies, and has me wondering if it is one I have failed or have left behind in some way, in the here and now?

The fates are devious and sometimes envy the dreams that are had or realized, and I just need answers to all the questions and feel like a pilgrim out here on these backroads and wherever else the Tao directs me to go. With me still holding onto those things I believe in and still in some way hold sacred, and has me at times wondering how much time I have and if we are all human. As I try to keep from falling, and knowing in most cases only I can heal those wounds that have been suffered as I continue to make my way, and it’s a long way from yesteryear and yesterday especially here in what can be called the twilight theater.

Occasionally asking myself which way I need to go, and heading out towards that far horizon and beating the shadows that fall like the leaves on the wind. As I sometimes wonder if the future holds something for me? Or will it be time for me to take my curtain call soon? For if there is no beginning then there is no end.

Copyright: Timberwolf International LTD. December 2016 – 63

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