Sometimes I guess I am selfish, denying what is true. Or could be true. So many things have no definitive answers that I go crazy. But not technically crazy. I have been tested after all. So many tests. No actual answer. I'm fine. "You're fine." I get that "result" all the time. Everyone must see bright lights and hear high pitched whistles like those of a steam train that runs right through your brain. I am not clinically insane so...what then? Strange pains. Sounds. Tastes. Things I've never experienced before. Years and years of tests and I know nothing more. Except it is really scary and I have to ignore it, or I will go completely crazy. That one's already knocking at the door.
And then there are the people and relationships I have. I've told a few, they brush it off too. I mean, the doctors say it's nothing so who are we to feud? So I mostly now keep quiet and keep everyone at least a day away. Or an hour at best but they always end up hating me like the rest. So what should I do? I am asking you. Imagine slipping and forgetting everything in a split second. Nothing but loudness. Strobe lights. Pain. I close my eyes. I try to count. If my nose bleeds to then, I'm laid out. But that doesn't happen often, so I just collect myself and push ahead. I can't even explain the nightmares in my bed. I go places no one should ever go. I'd tell you about it, but I'm not supposed to, you know? I don't want to scare others away, so I stay alone and keep my secrets to myself. But I ask you. Is that selfish? I am no harm to myself or others; I'm not sure what is wrong. From what I can gather, nothing at all. We are all like this. Is that true?