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agony and losing yourself

I wish I has the words to explain
That every morning I wake up, not sure that I can stand the pain
I feel like a zombie pretending I am happy
Having the strength for everyone but me

I don't know what it is I need
But I know it is not this, which makes my heart bleed
I have become frozen out of fear
And come close to drowning myself in tears

When did I start caring so little about myself
Feel too much put my heart on a shelf
I miss not being afraid of death
Because it hurts too much to take one more breath

For years I've chosen not to hurt anyone
At the expense of destroying me and coming undone
I've got to be strong enough to take that first step to being free
To finally learn what it is to be me

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