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An Ode to a Sad Existence

What happens if I am not me?

I wished I was a flower underneath a great big tree,
But then a dog would come along and shower me with wee.
I wished I was a chestnut tree with lots of lovely conkers,
But kids would come and nick my nuts and that would drive me bonkers.

So I wished I was a schoolie living in the ocean seas,
But a fisherman would catch me and then cook me with some peas.
So I wished I was a beer that was icy cold and ace,
But a lager lout would open me and shove me in his face.

So I wished I was a television, large and wide and flat,
But men would nick my swish remote and start a marital spat.
So I wished I was a chocolate bar, there’s nowt to better that!
But I won’t be held responsible for making others fat.

So I suppose, I must reflect, it’s not too bad, you see.
I guess I must be satisfied that I am simply me.
I’m happy that I’m me, oh yes, I’m happy that I’m me.
And though I think I sometimes stink, I’m happy that I’m me.
I’m happy that I’m me, you know, I’m happy that I’m me.
Though I admit I’m a grumpy git, I’m happy that I’m me.
And if I say it oft enough, perhaps I may believe
That I'm happy that I'm me, oh yes! I must, I must believe!
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