There is a drawer in my house and home
that stays shut since some time ago
It's contents known to no one but me alone
Truth be told I do look some days, but say no

I slowly ease on the pull and slide it out.
Looking in I see the black zippered case
What's inside it has said my name and shouts
I know now is the time to open it and face

My past, present and future depend on it now
The case is lighter than I remember it to be
Maybe because the contents are the why and the how
Unzipping it slowly I lift the lid and look and see

Shiny objects lay nestled in the cloth inside
Sharp, some stained with a coat of rust colored red
Whenever life hurt and took my brain for a ride
I would take the case out, open it and a feel a familiar dread

Thoughts swirl in patterns of nonsense, what do they mean
To stop them there really was only one way I knew
Lifting one of my friends out, I'd admire it's shine and gleam
The noise in my head would keep shouting and noise grew

A shiny sharp friend to pierce and drain away the pain
Over and over this ritual I would perform and purge
False thoughts, sounds and sights, my sanity I would regain
I'd fight, wrestle but I'd give in, unable to say no to that urge

Red colored lines appearing, flowing, washing the pain away
Explaining the scars, a game of hide and seek, no one can see me burn
I'd watch them grow, weep red magic, leave scars, day after day
Until I met the one who saved me, cared for me and I loved in return

New ways to cope, I searched and sought out over time
Talk, pills, therapy, doctors, all tried, to find the missing me
Not knowing, another would bring me tools that became mine
You came, I found the piece that was lost, that allowed me to be

Pain I caused myself would reflect onto you and invisibly scar as well
One day, I had enough of pain and marking my skin and my life
Hurt meant for me had to stop now. No longer in my mind do I dwell
Saving me, I put away that case the day I decided to become your wife.

Taking it out, I give a last longing look back at those objects of hurt
Smiling, my brain eased and settled, I zip it back up and close it now
It has a new place it needs to go and I walk it there holding it to my shirt
I open the can, into the depth it goes. Not my friends, I have no need of them now