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This Will Never Change

Why must I be the one who is punished?
The one who is afraid to sleep at night? 
Who feels alone every second of everyday?
I didn't do this to myself. 
I didn't ask you to hurt me. 
You sleep at night,
While I try to pick up the pieces of my life. 
While trying to fight the voices in my head saying I'm worthless. 
While trying to forget everything and stop crying. 
For once in my life I want to feel happy. 
I want to feel anything besides terror and darkness. 
Not having to feel like you're behind me. 
I want to feel strong, 
I want to overcome the sadness, 
The pain, the hurt, 
But I'll never get to.
You have taken all my joy and all my strength. 
Everyday I have to put on a mask,
And act happy. 
Nobody knows the real me. 
The person who is afraid to live her life. 
The person who never gets to feel free, 
A person always trying to stay alive, 
To get the voices to stop.
A person holding onto the only reality they have left. 
One day I hope you will see everything you've taken from me.
I hope you stop saying you love me. 
Because from what I know you don't hurt the people you love. 
I hope you feel the fire of Hell,
And I hope you learn to accept that I will never be like you. 
That you will always be the monster haunting every dream,
And the demon that rips my soul in half everyday that I am on this earth. 
You sicken me. 
And this will never change
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