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Thoughts for my Sister

Is it wrong of me to feel slightly envious?
I know I shouldn't, it's really not anyone's fault.
You're over there and I am here,
But you got out before I had a chance.

I saw it proven, people take to you more.
I was just the other one, who just tagged along.
Even you were distant at times.
That didn't stop me from loving you.

Is it sad now, that you're so far away?
You left without saying so much as a goodbye.
Do you know what it was like all those days?
It took you four years to call.

Your name is almost taboo in our house.
I feel their eyes every time you call.
They probe me for information.
I feel conflicted by it all.

I was still envious, but not of you.
I was angry that someone else called you sister.
I was terrified you loved them more.
A ridiculous notion now.

I used to ask the question why?
Why did you do it?
I wondered if I could do the same.
But I am not as crazy as you.

Now I sit here yet again.
Will I ever see you again?
Probably not but that's okay.
I love you anyway.

Just one last thing
A spare thought in mind.
If you could go back and I should ask.
Would you have put the knife down?
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