In my time so far in The Experiment, I’ve eaten more than I’m used to, as cooking for two, well five, is much more fun than for one. Stuart and I have been pushing things out, plus The Boys have been stirring us with their efforts. I was feeling it, and he was looking it too, so by the end of the week, we’d decided to slightly dial back the bounteousness!

I knew from watching previous series that Guys and Girls Days platters are mostly charcuterie and come with plenty of booze to loosen things up. From my experience of running meetings, charcuterie is best for afternoon tea or simply as a component, rather than for morning tea. For me, and as Bex found out that day and thereafter, coffee is my morning fuel, not wine! I remembered that A&S had wheedled salad and coffee during their time and mentioned this to Stuart. We agreed that good ideas are for the stealing and advised Sacha of our requirements.

We were told that the dress code was casual, so he went for chinos and a rollneck, which I thought was very attractive, and I told him, and I went with dark jeans and a black zip neck, which is my semi-formal and usual house clothes, and he too thought I looked good in it. We kissed goodbye, not expecting to see each other until the second person walked back through this door.

As soon as we arrived, the others hit the wine, and three started on the nibbles, though I wasn’t hungry. The carafe was there with three mugs, and I offered to pour, but only Emmeline bit. We listened as several of them talked about hitting the tiles last night, to which we hadn’t been invited. We thought that was a bit off, as we would have been happy to join them – albeit unlikely for the whole time. While I’m not averse to pulling all-nighters, it’s usually because Rapid is up and not because I want to get ratted, which they seemed to have done, though I’ve done that many years ago, and I knew they didn’t want someone of their mum’s age cramping their style.

Later, I asked for the salad to be passed, which Tina was glad to be rid of. Emmeline grabbed two bowls and started dishing as I plated off some charcuterie and then dropped it into our salads. I hit the crew up for another plunger, and we were wondering how our guys were getting on, thinking that they would be somewhat on the outer too. Better two on the outer, as misery loves company, we thought.

Then they started talking about their relationships, with two talking about bonking (again!), though several’s idea of banging was to bang their partner with a brick, and I wondered how many LEAVE cards would be flashed at the next Sofa Session. As I’ve been around pilots for decades, there really isn’t much on this topic that I haven’t at least heard, and honestly, today’s hot tales that they thought were Gas Mark 9 were really only about Gas Mark 3!

It was fun when they asked me, as they are still wary, and some got the tone of Sid’s first Sofa Day question, so they avoided directly enquiring about sex – something that we hadn’t done quite yet. “We’re enjoying our time here getting to know each other,” I answered, omitting that exploring bodies was incredibly fun, though certain areas were still to be explored. I said that having two Miss You days was beneficial, as we had time to see how we felt apart. They misunderstood this, thinking we needed time apart to reset, rather than embed, our feelings.

The time passed rather slowly, and I know that usually an Expert arrives midway and then drops something on people, so I was wondering who and about what and really was hoping that sex toys wouldn’t be the subject, as I have no interest in them. I certainly can be stimulated, and Sarah’s told me how she burned that topic last year!

Stuart

The same thing happened with the guys: the beers were cracked and the nibbles hit, and I got offered one. While I didn’t want a whole bottle, I was keen for a taste, so a glass was found and a midge poured. The sponsor’s beer wasn’t great, just boringly OK, so I proffered the plunger to no avail as I nibbled on crackers and decanted a mug, not wanting to eat until my usual lunchtime, when I suspected I’d be the only one nabbing the Caesar. They started talking about football, which I don’t mind, so I got a bit of engagement even as my mind powered up with the coffee and theirs loosened slightly with the brew.

The guys were curious why we had our Miss You days, and while I explained about Andy and Sarah’s rationale, they still didn’t understand that for them, his unwinding of post-det stress deepened their feelings, like their apart weeks. I ran my excuse about work, which was partly true, as I was already planning for post-Experiment projects and looking at several to see how they’d fit our relationship plans. Most projects were local, but one was a bridge north of Vancouver, and The Rain City’s always had appeal for me, and now Annie had a plan too. I explained that, for us, we had spent too long single and needed time apart to see how our new normality felt. And the unsaid answer to them was that it’s strange not waking up curled up with her and us cooking together, and I even missed The Boys, which surprised me.

“Your friends’ wedding seemed very weird,” Timmy asked. He who was proud of doing it on the first night, I knew.

I suppressed a scowl. “He gave me some advice after the toast: ‘Determine your own way.’ The wedding was their way, and at the end of an entire day of presentations and connections, new and existing, as they wanted a big catch-up with friends and colleagues, three of whom matched us all,” I rammed home. “It was definitely right for them, and now I know how it infused our day.”

He smiled a weak yeah, right, though Eddie nodded and smiled, as he knew about Terri, having gone away with Emmaline and hopped through the last season. They were stunned by the, albeit weedy, videos. They’d asked us how representative of their time it was (and we’d just shrugged to their laughter), and they’d laughed as The Experts got rolled. I finally grabbed a bowl and proffered it, with only Ed rising, and I plated up some Caesar for us and then got some more coffee, which he too was now keen on.

Then, it got onto their love lives, and two were very explicit about their matings. I was reminded of Andy’s comment about ‘People can guess,’ which I wholeheartedly agree with, albeit knowing it would be boring on TLS if everyone had our opinion. I’m not averse to talking about matings, but my idea of them is recounting being down on the boardwalk with a telescope watching the mating of two bridge joints and discussing how the crews effected it safely. ‘When you’re ready,’ they’d told me, and I realised that some couples were now having rooting regrets, as instead of their foundations being caissons bolted to immutable granite, theirs were a few crappily mortared bricks on sand. I was thinking about Annie and how we were still digging down through the softer sand- and mud-stones to find our granite, with each tasty layer removed deepening our foundations and our coffer above and around us strong.

I let out a snort as one guy made very explicit and unpleasant comments about what he’d got up to, and people started as they suddenly remembered that this old guy was still here, and they looked at me. I just shrugged, deflecting, but I’d remembered Terri’s veiled threat: One more bomb off a rack into someone’s house? I’d thought as that loudmouth had concluded. I had no fear in our relationship, and I knew that we were moving at a sustainable pace. A nudge here, a slight push forward, and our foundations were deepening, unlike the rat’s before me.

Mid-way through Guys Day, Sid appeared as expected. “It’s normal now for an Expert to quiz you and give advice,” he intoned. “This year, we’ve got some Extra Special Experts,” he slyly deadpanned. “Please follow me,” and got back up, leading us to the conference room as I wondered why we were moving.

Wing

We got Joelle, who repeated the same words to us, and then we were surprised to see our guys lingering in the entrance, held by Sid.

“Very different today,” Saskia laughed from the stage. “Couples, please reunite,” she commanded, and we silently re-paired as her peers joined her, wondering what was about to befall us.

“A true Expert is one who has walked in your steps,” Sid intoned again from the stage with his peers as they deadpanned.

“These Experts,” and we wondered who, “Have walked the steps to the altar twice – once very recently,” Saskia purred, smiling, and we elbowed each other. Really?

"They were happy to come to answer questions, but in their typical style,” Joelle laughed, “only together,” as her peers sniggered.

“They promised to answer everything honestly ... and directly,” Sid semi-sneered and shrugged.

From afar, “Be careful what you wish for,” a familiar feminine voice laughed, then a very familiar to me male laugh emitted, and I elbowed him again, though accidentally too much, causing him to jump, and I rubbed his back in apology.

“From last season, please welcome Andy and Sarah,” Jo exalted as our friends appeared in their usual way – together and slightly apart – and they deeply embraced The Experts as a group as friends. After releasing them, they worked the floor, shaking hands as the couples introduced themselves, though we held back until last.

They embraced me as Stuart held slightly off, respecting our friendship and love. “What does he get?” Andy play-nastily asked, which everyone heard via his mic, surprising most with his tone. I reached over, pulled him in and kissed his cheek. “Not quite that, but better than the other option,” he and then we laughed, referring to Terri’s threat, as they opened and pulled him in.

They returned to the stage, and we were curious why there was a large, blank TV there. The Experts started to leave. “Sasha, please show our friends to their seats,” Sarah called to the producer, stunning the trio as he revealed three now uncurtained seats.

“You didn’t think you’d escape us that easily?” Andy laughed, and they groaned.

“Fire away,” she gently prodded us, though nobody replied, and we were holding back. We realised that [nearly] nobody knew where to start, and knowing we’d have to lead, I nudged Stuart again.

“I’m a bit old for Instagram,” he laughed, though he was now following their accounts too, which unlike most other seasons couples’ aren’t blue-ticked.

“You’re probably the most off-the-radar of all the couples,” he shrugged, and the other couples nodded. “Your words to me at our wedding were powerful, insightful, and very honest. Your journey is very different from everyone else’s. Can you do a brief walk-through?” he suggested.

Andy led off, “We are where we wanted to be when we signed up for this,” and he held his wife’s hand.

“Probably not physically where either of us thought,” she laughed, eliciting a few blank looks, “Seattle, for now,” switching those lights on.

“We are surrounded by great people who’ve helped us immensely. Four are in this room,” as The Experts nodded, and I suppressed a pleasurable tear, and Stuart discreetly nodded.

She looked into his eyes. "Some only you knew at the start. All we now both regard as true friends and love deeply.”

“Our uniting and honeymoon were amazing, though the separation was sudden and shocking.”

“But people relied on you,” she head-nuzzled him.

“We cried hard before and on separation,” he admitted as we heard audible shocked breaths.

“Our first calls were tough – not being able to say, ‘Miss you,’” and we heard shocked, "What's?"

"My sole duty there was to serve the pilots and those in need, and you knew that. Missing you would be a distraction that could be fatal,” as we heard sharp intakes of breath, though nods from The Experts and us.

“We called at your breakfasts and dinners and texted during the day. Once we worked out what the words that mean but aren’t Miss You and got into a routine, it became easier, and I knew we were only apart for a week at a time, and the second week apart was much easier.”

They held hands. “That first week, some wrong things were done by others, though for the right reasons.” I nodded, knowing my right-wrong righted a wrong, and we saw The Experts nod.

“Apart. Together. United’, a pilot told me later.”

“We have always been united in purpose and respect for each other.”

“I was told about Absolute Trust by that pilot, albeit too honestly and too early, though it was delivered with absolute honesty and respect. It’s true, we formed trust and respect at the altar,” as their heads and hands joined.

“It’s grown into true love and is still growing,” he whispered, though it carried via the mics.

They sat up, facing us. “How much and why do you trust your partner? We want you to ponder this and talk about it in your couples later.”

Sid: Hearing this, we jumped hard, as we weren’t expecting them to fire back in this way, though it was very insightful, and I wondered whether this was a prelude of the way they were going to run today. I too started thinking about the ways I love my wife, and I saw Jo’s face likewise deepen, though sadly Sas’ was blank as she’s single.

They opened their arms, inviting questions.

“What would you do differently?” Essa, the youngest bride, asked, and they hung, briefly forming an answer.

“When I was called out, there were two choices. Bad - go and leave you, or worse - stay and leave those who need help screwed, and the planes would return to base as they would be unsupported.”

“We chose bad. It’s made us stronger, and it is still right.”

“We probably should have gone to The Suites, as we’d have connected more with the other couples.”

“But we had work to do, and we needed the physical space to work, and honestly, our houses are more comfortable and familiar and had the required space. The Suites’ room would have been very tight with our workstations and needing space for calls. Sometimes on our own work, sometimes on Washup and then a later project, which definitely tightened our bond.”

“Two days after my arrival home, we spent two days apart,” he said to more shocks, as separation on TLS is considered bad. “This is Rapid’s standard practice – a quiet reunite with your partner, then time alone to unwind, organise and simply decompress as you’re annihilated after being away. We had another Miss You, as we call it, later too,” as more shocked intakes emitted, as they still didn’t get that scheduling aparts is a strength for them, and now us.

“You’ve never seemed that close when I saw you on TV, or now,” Tina, seemingly the next-youngest bride, opined.

Silly cow, I thought, PDA and holding hands isn’t everything, and this is the tart that likes to show her [enviable and probably boosted] tits and can’t keep her tongue out of her guy’s mouth.

“Guys,” they said, turning to the sofa’d Experts, “You know us well,” and they glared at getting hit again.

“Sarah, you said it on the sofa - ‘Readable’: people have to read and understand,” Saskia smiled, bailing them out.

“Sometimes, we can go most of the day barely uttering a word,” he stated to shocks. “A glance, a brief touch, a coffee delivered.”

“That’s ours – we speak when we want to say, we are comfortable around each other, and we can read each other. Actions speak louder than words, though words are nice too.”

“What are your and your partner’s love languages?” Sarah asked everyone, “Do you know them? Think about it, then discuss with your other,” she commanded again, startling people, though The Experts nodded, and Saskia pursed her lips, wondering whether they still had a job at the end of this series!

“You don’t wear your rings?” Eddie asked sincerely.

“Too itchy for me,” Andy replied to shocks.

“I’m not a big jewellery wearer anyway. And the rings are just a symbol of marriage. They don’t symbolise our relationship,” she stated to shocks, though I definitely and Stuart sort of know why. “Sacha, please play,” she commanded.

The TV powered up, and his Bat logo appeared. “My logo,” he narrated as it disappeared.

Her CEN appeared. “Their gift to me,” she narrated, and then it went, “Though this came slightly later,” she rubbed her brooch.

Finally, the two logos reappeared, sliding in from the sides as Ellie and Bex’s voices narrated, “These symbolise your relationship: Unity,” and we laughed gently, though the other couples were mostly confused. We saw The Experts nodding, as they’d seen the presentation at their wedding and understood its meaning, having seen it firstly at the Finale on their T-shirts.

“Where did you go for your honeymoon?” one of the grooms asked.

“Which honeymoon?” Andy questioned to uhs?

“Oh, you mean proper wedding?” Sarah laughed, and the poor groom nodded. “We mooched around, seeing friends and colleagues. We went back to Vancouver and caught a great ice hockey game, then got the next morning’s dawn seaplane home,” as the newbies looked shocked that they didn’t have a proper honeymoon. I know that for them, catching up in person was their want, and they love the dawn seaplane.

“We had three trips that were sort of honeymoons before our time on The Experiment was over: Tonga, Patagonia and Whistler,” Andy shrugged. “We just want ...” and he hung as he wrapped his arms around her as Stuart and I nodded approvingly.

“When did you have sex?” Tina questioned, and we knew she’d banged on her first night and was proud of it.

“Sacha?” Sarah commanded the honeymoon footage of his question to them ran.

They leaned forward at us. “Directly – it’s none of your business,” he stated to shocks.

“And we’re not interested to know about when anyone did it either,” as people thought they’d just shut them down hard. “There are some that have a very good idea when, though we’ve not told anyone?” she laughed, and he nodded. The Experts and I laughed too, though the rest of the room were still stunned at his aggressive and her dismissive responses.

He shot an arm at the sofa. “As someone there says, ‘Let’s unpack that statement.’” They laughed, and Sid groaned as he too, started mentally reviewing his CV.

“Rework it: Why did you make love for the first time when you did?” she asked. “Was it out of pressure? Did it seem right At.The.Time?” she emphasised.

“Ask yourselves now: was it the right time? Is then still the right time?”

They turned to the sofa. “Those that did it on their first night – how many are still together? Any?” he rhetorically asked them.

“Those that did it on their honeymoon – 20%?" she fired, and they mused.

“Those of you who haven’t made love. Some of you aren’t ready, yet. That’s OK, don’t pressure yourselves. You’re still working your way through, exploring your intimacies,” she soothed, and they fluttered their eyelids flirtatiously.

“When you’re truly ready, you will be ready and will always say, ‘That was and still was our right time,’” he affirmed.

“Some of you will never be ready, and you need to understand why. If it can’t be fixed, just hug, say ‘thanks for the good time’ and quit now,” she concluded, shocking some.

“We were apart for half of the first month,” he stated. “When I was back, you thought that conference call that jumped us had killed the moment,” he laughed to shocks. I smiled, knowing exactly which conference call this was, and I playfully poked Stuart.

“That was only The Right Time,” she laughed. “When it was right, it turned out to be The Extremely, Very Right Time,” she giggled and playfully kissed him on the cheek, and I knew exactly what she meant from Pete and Sarah’s snide call to Angie, David and me after they’d killed the call.

“Sex is an intimacy – the ultimate intimacy, though.”

“It’s built on many other layers of intimacies. Sacha:” She commanded.

First, the footage of them collapsing into slumber on their wedding night, then their first words at the altar and their breathing in sync.

“How would you describe this?” she asked.

'Easy, quiet, sweet,’ were the words that came from the crowd, and they glared, not getting what they wanted.

“Emotions?” he questioned and turned around to the sofa. “Help them out, please!” he exclaimed.

We’d decided to take a back seat, but the couples were deafening in their silence, so I took a shot – "Closeness and connection?” I proffered, holding my horses.

They smiled back at us. “Intimacy: we fell asleep because we trusted each other. Intimacy: you saw me feel his breathing and connect – breathing is essential!” she laughed.

“Intellectual connection: another intimacy. Sacha knows and hates one of those intimacies – doing the crossword together,” he laughed, and we saw Sacha behind scowl.

“Everyone up and move into the open area,” he commanded, shocking us.

She turned to the sofa. “And you three. Sacha, you’re needed too. Sid and Joelle, Sacha and Saskia, pair up,” she playfully shot at them as they got up with stunned looks, and poor Sacha wondered what he’d just been dropped into.

“The Experts like doing intimacy exercises,” he laughed.

“We’re today’s Experts and we’re in charge,” she called as we wondered what they had in store, and the four of them looked like they were heading to death row.

“You four, don’t worry – it’s nothing your partners won’t shoot you for,” he shrugged at them.

They moved to toes touching. “Follow us,” she commanded.

He placed one hand with fingers on her shoulder and palm on her sternum, the other hand across her tum. “Do this: if you don’t feel comfortable, both hands on belly, like I suggested at the altar,” he commanded as she reciprocated his move. Stuart and I did this, though this wasn’t that intimate for us, and I saw The Experts follow their instructions. “Close your eyes.”

Her voice quietened, despite the amplification. “Don’t think; feel your partner’s breathing,” and we started attuning. I felt his breathing slow. In and out, in and out, and I felt myself starting to sync. “Don’t ... think ... just ... feel,” she softly repeated, and I really felt our breathing sync.

I was starting to fall asleep, and I knew we’d do this later, then the lights powered up.

“You’re not finished,” he gently laughed. “Tallest person behind their partner, please,” as he came behind his wife and we followed.

“Follow us, please,” she gently commanded as his hands went on her belly and hers on his. Hmmm, Stuart purred to me. Tonight will be even better, and you know why, I thought, as tonight his hands would be much higher and likely clothes absent.

“Again ... don’t think ... just feel,” he gently commanded as I felt our breathing sync again, and I was hoping we wouldn’t fall asleep here!

Thankfully, the lights went up before we synced down too much. “Does that feel intimate?” they rhetorically asked. I looked up at Stuart, and we smiled very.

They moved to The Experts and Sacha. “Are we still friends?” Andy asked plaintively.

“God knows what they’re like as enemies,” we heard someone catcall, and everyone laughed.

They and The Experts returned to the stage, though this time they were all standing together. “Guys,” Sid turned to them, “We’ve had the pleasure of talking with you off camera, and we learned a lot then.” While we suspected what they’d shown them, the other couples were baffled.

“We knew we’d get thoughtful answers today, as we always have,” Saskia noted.

“Just perhaps too thought-provoking and quite differently informative about you than we’d hoped,” Joelle laughed, and they joined in, but some couples thought it was a kick. “The stories you tell are amazing, like you always do. And we did manage to read them,” she laughed again, as did we and them.

“We certainly didn’t expect this level of thoughtful insight ... and fun. “We thank you,” Sid concluded with a rare and small smile. We headed to the buffet for mingling and pondering, and it was nice that our friends stayed to mingle and share with the couples, though sadly we didn’t spend much time with the lovebirds, as we wanted the others to benefit.

We knew they had given us plenty of food for thought, though our Qs and As were relatively balanced, unlike some couples who would be struggling to answer and agree, and we knew we’d have fun discussing and exploring ours.

Experts. We got, as promised, open, honest and direct, though after our off-camera, we should have expected that they would slip all chains and take us on a wild and stimulating ride. A ride that their full intellect had driven, albeit not their full and so-in-love personalities, as this was, somewhat sadly, still work for them. Seeing them fully open is truly wonderful, rather than just very good here.

The next morning, we had morning tea with Ed and Em and asked how they thought it had gone. “They were completely honest, though sometimes indirect, and it shocked me when they said that it was nobody’s business about sex,” she smiled.

“Their comments about finding The Right Time... so powerful,” he gazed into her eyes.

“It’s a journey. We loved that they implied they nearly got at it but got interrupted. Sounds like that call wasn’t just random?” she asked. I just shrugged, feigning ignorance as Stuart playfully rubbed his ankle on my leg, giving me a sensation.

“It wasn’t scripted, but definitely a lot of thought was involved, as Jo mentioned. We’ve had a lot to think about in a good way.”

“It was nice to talk with them after, and they were either very polite or actually wanted to get to know us. We think the latter.”

“You’re close to their age, and they’re friends with the other success couple,” Stuart noted.

“Tina and Alana couldn’t understand why they agreed to come, as ‘they’ve not done any collabs, apart from that flower T-shirt brand which isn’t very well liked,’ Tina said to us,” she noted as he scowled, and we looked at her. She laughed, “I told her that they were giving back out of love and as a favour. To.Their.Friends,” she emphasised, and we laughed.

“Poor buggers got hit, though. Says something that they managed to keep The Experts in the dark!” Eddie snorted, concluding that topic and pouring more coffee.