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Hey, Wanna Win a Prize?

Do ya? Read on (ten points if you read past this one liner.)

Hello Kitty hair bobbles, a torch, an arm thingy with a magnifier on it, sticks o’ RAM, rose quartz (raw and unpolished), solder, an amplifier module, various wires and a clock. That is what lies upon my bedside table.

Most people just put the essentials, whatever they be, there, but I tend to throw all manner of crap there. Whatever I’m working on at the time, really. At the moment, I’m stripping laptops for selling, hence the sticks o’ RAM.

Oh, I heard the absolute worst the other day! Okay, I exaggerate, but it was terrible, you have to grant me. I’ll tell ya: Here I be sitting in a state of my own mind and barely listening to the telly in the background, when an advert for a computer comes on. Being the tech-head I am, I listened. The fool who wrote the advert obviously had no idea of computers because the narrator said (I forget the exact figure, so I’ll make it up) “three gigs or RAM Memory!” Well, fuck. RAM Memory? What the fuck is that?

Redundant, is what it is. RAM stands for (award yourself ten points, if you know already) Random Access Memory. Yep, so that extra “memory” is completely redundant and a waste of breath. The other one that annoys me is “LED lights”. People, they are just LEDs. An LED is a Light Emitting Diode, so imagine saying “Light Emitting Diode light”, you’d just sound fucking insane! Or ignorant. I vote ignorant. Before you use an acronym, know what it stands for, it might just save you from a beating from me. A verbal beating, but a beating nevertheless. If you agree with this paragraph, award yourself a further twenty points!

I nearly said an “oral beating”, but believe me, that’s something you’d want. I got mad skillz! Okay, don’t suppose you really wanna know about my perversions (ten points to me if I guessed what you were thinking).

I want a really shitty guitar. Why? Duh, I’m a shitty player, so I need a shitty guitar! I tried playing a tune a while ago. I can’t tell you the name of the tune because it’s a surprise for someone special. Ten points for guessing, twenty for keeping your gob shut, a violent beating for spoiling the surprise. Digressions aside, I tried to play this tune and realised I was grossly out of practice. So I practiced and wound up being pretty good at it. Now for the recording part.

Ugh, my voice. That’s the one bit I cannot do. Singing is not my forte. I once scared a flock of crows with my voice. More than once scared seagulls, broke windows and caused road traffic accidents. I’m surprised I didn’t cause World War Three! Yeah, my singing is enough to make folk just explode, which comes in handy sometimes. Someone bothers me, I sing. Ten points for laughing. (Keeping tally? Good, I’ll be asking what your score is, at the end. The person with the most wins a prize. Competition goes for three days, from when this is posted, so get commenting and scoring to win that mystery prize!)

The end. Where is that? What is that? Where are we going and what are we doing? Are we human, are we robots? Did we come up the Clyde in a banana boat? (Ten points for knowing what the Clyde is). Do we need to know where are are headed? But where are we going without ever knowing the way? (Ten points for getting the reference).

The way!
The way of the dragon, the way of the wolf.
The way of the rebel the way of myself.
No rhyme there, but then no reason.
Why reason for rhyme, when rhyme has no reason?
But tell me: What, my dears, is your favourite season?
One hundred points, for not committing treason!

Was that a poem?
Or was it a thing?
Did your mind just go kerching?
Or maybe you’re still searching,
for a reason for this rhyme.

Go and eat some rosemary and thyme, whilst I finish this bothersome rhyme.

Did you make it through this musing-thing? Good. Add up your points and give yourself a plate of jelly (or if jelly creeps you, eat your hand) and tell me how many points you achieved. Give yourself an extra ten, just for the hell of it.

This is the end. Are you sad?

Andrew =^.^=

P.S I love you, Aria (thirty points if you saw that coming, an extra fifteen if you think it’s sweet.)
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Copyright © Copyright of the author, Circle_Something, rights reserved 2020, plagiarists punished etc. Seriously though, don't steal my work, in part or in whole, nor steal my audio stories, it's just wrong, and you'll be eaten by rabid mice if you do.

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