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No Lie


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At work, this morning and the phone rings. I know who it is before I pick it up. It's Sunday, so there is only one other department open today. The Front Office. I pick up the phone, and before I can even say anything, the panic pours out of the receiver......"Oh my God! Mrs. Smith is staying in unit 146c and needs some extra blankets right away." I say good morning and explain that I didn't have any blankets yesterday and still have none today. It's 70 degrees already. What the fuck would anyone need an EXTRA blanket for anyway?.......

"Well, what about an extra comforter? Mrs. Smith is freezing! Her thermostat is broken!". (no shit, it's not fucking cold AT ALL) And he hangs up. I shrug it off. Pretty normal stuff for a Sunday before 9:00 am. I am convinced Pill (that's what I call him) is a crackhead. I think he actually smokes crack before he comes to work. Shit, he is probably smoking crack now in the bathroom. He is always freaking out and climbing the walls. EVERY weekend he calls my office before 9:00 fully knowing I can not call him back because his phones aren't forwarded until 9:00. He's a little bitch. Last Sunday at 4:57 pm he calls me frantic....

"Oh my GOD! Mrs. Blah just dropped a bottle of wine outside her front door! There is glass and wine EVERYWHERE. Do you have any suggestions?"......REALLY? Pill is in his damn 60's. I suggested he stop wasting time calling me and go clean it up. He said he was going home for the day. I should not have answered my phone. I calmly took a broom and dustpan and went and cleaned it up. It did take me five minutes, so it obviously WAS a crisis. Back to this morning....

8:43 rings again...I know it's Pill. "what?" is all I can muster..."Mrs. Smith in 146c says her condo won't go above 68 degrees. She is freezing, bless her heart. You know how tricky those thermostats can be. I'd send one of my people down there to help her, but we are slammed up here. Is there any way you can go down and fix that pesky thing?" You little bitch! You aren't even open yet. Lying crackhead. Thermostats have two switches. One says off/on, and the second says cool/heat. Then there is an up arrow and a down arrow. Tricky indeed! "Yeah Pill. I'll take care of it." I wish the coffee were done brewing, though. Really.

I beat Mrs. Smith back to her condo. The thermostat is only feet from the front door. It is set to 86/cool. I switch it to heat and run away. To me, it is common sense, but I had a sneaking suspicion it may have taken well over an hour to explain the complexities of that thermostat to Mrs. Smith. It's got to be roasting in there by now! I'm sure they will just open the windows. That off button is a tough one! haha. So that's my Sunday funday before 9 am. Thanks for listening.

Written by adi_me
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