Wondering if all was seen when it could be, and were things done that were needed, or were there things falling from my heart? And at times feeling all of those lies that were told in the disguise as words of trust that were threatening to tear me apart, like those subtleties that were threatening to strangle me in the past? Was time wasted in the wandering through those smoking fires of memory, and was control lost in those times? Nobody was around during those times when madness seemed to hold sway, and feeling like I was slowly turning numb as I stood there with that burden. With there being those people and things I don’t believe anymore. And now being stronger than those fears they attempted to cast, and knowing sometimes I can open my eyes and some things will just disappear.
Having walked beside the river at times to be alone with thoughts and what few dreams that remain, and looking at times there for peace for an angry heart. Feeling a fire at times burns at a fever pitch, and reminded of those scars I carry, and knowing what things I walked away from to follow that which I was told about doing for myself and not being beholden to others for accomplishing that which I could do for myself. Counted my blessings and reaped what I have sown as I headed on down the line and tried not to look back at the past which is usually close behind unlike what others seem to think. And there have been times when I have run through the darkest hours and in my passage through all things I have heard a lot of laughter, and seen a lot of pain when I passed through those concrete jungles. Though there have been those times when I have looked in her wounded eyes, and held on to both memories and time.
Wondering at times as to why have things changed so radically, and it being like a rude awakening in a new world, with tears still being the same and sometimes thinking of those things lost that can never be had again. Wondering if there will be a day I might wake up in the land of the Morning Star when all ends? And though I may have been standing in the shadows there have been those times when I have dragged her from the fires, and offered my devotion and to stand at her side. And have stood in the fires as well, and at times I have wondered if I will be forgotten, or if I have touched someone’s life like a few have touched mine?
Recalling that I am not afraid of those things my eyes have seen, with there being times when pain will be felt, and I must soldier on to never let them see me crawl or bleed. They tried to break me and instead found a heart made of steel, and I became stronger than they ever figured I would be. Becoming like a man in motion as I headed out on those old back roads, and on down the line to whatever direction the Tao directed me to go and occasionally daydreamin’ about how the way somethings are and how they could have been changed. With there being times I close these tired eyes and rearrange all of those I have known, and give them different names, making me wonder if it is some kind of joke my mind is playing on me? For they all seem quite lame and the human mind can only stand so much.
Knowing most will never know the hurt that has been suffered or the pain I have risen up above, and though I don’t show it there are times I can and have been hurt easily by some of those words that have been said by him and them, and those saints quick to judge. As I continue at times down the tracks and passing through the smoke pourin’ out of that boxcar door that’s been left on the siding to burn. Reminding me I could have been cast aside like that and Lord knows I’ve paid some dues getting through. So I’ll just keep on keepin’ on with my boots facing away, and not say goodbye but instead fare thee well and not give a damn to most of those I have left behind.
Wondering if they have ever reached for that out stretched hand, or if they just sat and laughed as they turned away, and headed back to where they came from?
Copyright: Timberwolf International LTD. March 2016 – 17