It’s time to stop being cute and coy
and simply wish you Christmas joy
because the day is rapidly approaching.

May you smile at all the lights
that brighten up the winter nights
and I’ll stop being caustic and reproaching.

Reindeer should not swear at elves.
They should just be their furry selves.
(I confess I wrote the swearing scene.)

Policemen should not shoot till dead
an innocent Mr. Potato Head.
(My work again, so violent and so mean!)

Santa is a worthy chap,
not deserving of a young elf’s slap.
(An incident one prior work conveyed.)

Christmas trees need adoring gazes,
not to ignite household blazes.
(Another thing my previous works portrayed.)

Polar bears should give kids glee
and not scare them and make them pee.
(Something else I actually did pen.)

Rudolph should not even in fun
jab a cop’s back with a gun.
(I was out of line here once again.)

So please forgive me one and all
for having such incredible gall.
It’s how I cope with loneliness and fear.

And I won’t write about that tyke
who gets impaled on his Christmas bike!
(That’s an idea that I’ll keep for next year.)