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Quiet Gray

"Same old song"
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I woke up today and realized, I am just not happy. And yes, I am sappy. Sometimes. Through all the chaos and fire-fight, my hand slipped from yours as I caught sight of the madness that night. I guess you could say part of me died the next day. The very next dawn I knew something terrible had gone on. With bullets flying overhead, I lay still, crying, trying to remember what you'd said but it's just so loud. Instead, I found shelter in the grayest of clouds. Nothing sparkling. Nothing gleams. I am here all alone again it seems. And I can hear you calling my name, but the path takes me in circles and drives me insane. I keep quiet, so I don't complain.

No darkness, no day, alone in my cloud of gray. Maybe what I think, doesn't matter anyway, so I have nothing to say on most days. Unlike today. Today I will pray. Today, I will mean everything I say. Today I will stay.

What leaves me broken is words unspoken, or worse, spoken without intent. I feel jaded and spent and my heart filled with something strange like...resent? I am not sure what my heart is saying, but I know that it is now gray too, and I honestly don't know what to do. I know I can't and will not stop loving you. That's just something I do. I thought I was blue but now know I am gray and just not the same without you.

I wonder if the path were clear would I find you here? Would I know it was you or would I question you too? Maybe I am a little blue inside my cloud of gray, hoping my letter reaches you, and you can find me today. I really have nothing else to say.

Published 
adi_me

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