Brain Betrayal

I will never understand or heed
the voices bouncing around
and ricochetting trying to lead

Damaged connections and tissue
warp any sense I ever have of me
Self-worth not the only issue

Fighting with myself at night
Wanting all and nothing
I can never find the light

Value others see in me
Perhaps they are blind
And clearly, cannot see

I've just been cast
In a life I never chose
Each time worse than the last

Love surrounds me but no
I eschew and push it away
Each day a sad new low

Don't love me anymore
I'll poison you in the end
It won't matter if you're sure

Thirty years is enough of a task
I know what I do to you
Freedom is yours just ask

I can't stand the pain
That I may still cause
What do I ever gain

Making mistakes, being dumb
Is it too much to ask
For a friend and no longer be numb

In my brain lives no one
and many with no names
I just want to be done

To sleep and not to dream
Swallowing my pride
I always told you I was mean