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My Two Boys

I would have loved them

You will never know how much I wish those children were mine. The two little boys God said I could never have. The 2 little boys you told others I had but didn't take care of. I would have loved them. Why did you have to tell a lie that ended so horribly?

Who are you? You are not the person I knew. He was special to me. Kind and sweet, not a cruel evil liar. I treasured his friendship and thought he treasured mine. You can't be that. I know you. Please say you aren't him. You can't say that though. Not to my face, not even in a letter because you are him and you are a coward.

A cruel, evil and disturbed monster hiding behind the facade of being one of my most treasured friends. My sunshine in a day of grey. My smile. I told you such private things. Parts of my life that had shattered my heart. Things that could never be changed. You took my private heartaches and shared them with others but you turned my truths into your lies. You stole the part of me you were privileged to know and you twisted it. Twisted my words enough to create an evil piece of gossip. But why? What did you have to gain that was worth more than my genuine friendship towards you? Did it make you feel important to say that you knew things about me that nobody else knew? Of course nobody else knew them. Neither did I.

I considered you a trusted friend and confided in you the intimate details of one of the most heartbreaking times of my life. Mother Nature decided I would never be a mother. You took the secret of one of the cruelest jokes Nature played on me and you turned it into a fiasco.

In the blink of an eye, thanks to your lies, I was rumoured to be ten years older and a mother who had two children. Both boys who had been taken from me because I couldn't care for them. WHY would you say that? You took the saddest part of my life and made it dirty. People looked down on me and considered me to be evil. If you had to make me a mother why couldnt you have made me a good one? 

You will never know how much I wish those two children were really mine. Nobody would ever take them from me. I would cuddle, kiss and love them every day; read them stories and bake them cookies and drive them to their games. I would love them more than any other mother in the world had ever loved her children. I would teach them to be nice people and I would protect them from monsters like you.

Because of you I now often think of "my two boys". The ones you sent me. Every day I think about getting them ready and walking with them to school. I'm such a good mother. You took that away from me. Everyone thinks I'm a bad mother. I'll never be able to prove you wrong. You know the truth and you have to live with that. You don't win the trophy for breaking my heart. It was broken long ago.

© trinket 2012 - 2015

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