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Love's Transition - Chapter 3

"You can’t change your heart, but you can change your mind."
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“It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” Roy Disney

Lying in bed, I wait for the doctor to let me go home. An IV is in my arm attached to a bag hanging next to my bed. The slow drip of the liquid seems in time with my beating heart. The room is a light pastel yellow, cheerful but not overstated. A large tree is right outside my window overlooking the beautiful rose garden covering the lawn.

Last night I watched the stars through that window. I found the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper and even figured out which was the North Star. The stars shone brightly in the dark clear northern sky. A streak of light crossed the heavens as a shooting star traversed across the sky. I wished upon that falling star with all my heart that we would be happy together.

Thinking about my life, I knew everything was going to be better now. I was healed both physically and emotionally. I would be happy. No! We would be happy forever.

This morning, two birds sat on the branch right outside my window. I don’t know what kind of birds they are. Maybe they are love birds? Their singing warmed and brightened my mood. Their song sounded like love. Listening to the endearing music, I watched though the window; as the sun rose slowly above the eastern horizon bringing a panorama of breathtaking colors with it.

Doug comes through the door carrying a dozen red roses imbedded in a vase full of baby’s breath. He looks at me and gives me a smile that lights up his whole face. Wearing a light grey dress shirt that complements his blue eyes and a very dark blue pair of slacks, he gracefully approaches me. He has a wide leather belt and that large rectangular silver cowboy belt buckle that he likes so much. He is tall and big, not like a bodybuilder but like a lumberjack, solid and powerful. He is wearing his black leather boots. He is so handsome and he is here just to see me.

“I brought you something, my darling.” He says, as he places the vase of roses on the table next to my bed with all the other flowers he has given me.

I sit up so that he can reach me for a hug. Our arms encircle each other with warmth and tenderness. We hug tightly to each other for several seconds reticent to let go. As we pull apart, he stops long enough to place a tender kiss on my forehead. I lay back on my bed and we hold each other’s hands.

“I’ve missed you, kitten.” He says as he lovingly watches me.

“You were here last night. How can you miss me when you saw me less than twelve hours ago?” I ask.

He replies, "I will always care for you. Our love cannot die. We are a part of each other. I can live without you, as I have this last year, but that is a life of emptiness and sorrow. I will never lose the fire of my passion for you, though it may diminish over time. I cannot and will not try to make you love me. That can only be a choice that you make with your mind, your heart and your soul."

I can't speak. My eyes burn with the prospect of the tears of joy, but I won't cry. I have been crying far too much. I'm tired of the tears. I can feel the tender warmth of love flowing from his hands into me. It is so gentle, but it burns in me. The energy is exhilarating and almost overwhelming. The passion it ignites causes me to gasp. It is not just a passion of lust, it is the glow and contentment of setting on a porch holding hands and watching clouds move across the sky with the person that makes every moment worth remembering a lifetime.

How could I have left this paradise of happiness? I must have been crazy, or just stupid, to leave Doug when our life was full of so much love.

I know he has never been spontaneous, but I could always count on him to be there for me. Doug shares everything with me. He will make me dinner if I feel down. He laughs at my jokes. Doug celebrates my triumphs and weeps at my failures. He has always lifted me up when I was down and flew with me when I was up. He is a tender and generous lover and really knows how to make my toes curl.

My husband fills every need I have, except one. He isn’t exciting.

I hear Billy at the door to my room as he confidently calls me, “Hi lover. How is my baby doing today?”

Billy is 6’1” and carries 190 pounds of fat free muscles. He works out every day at the gym and it shows. He is wearing a red print pullover shirt and faded blue jeans. The jeans are so tight they look like they are sprayed on and they leave nothing to the imagination. He has his designer sunglasses tilted up on his forehead and is wearing $500 trainers. His long brown hair is pulled back into a French braid that hangs halfway to his perfect tight ass. He has the kind of handsomeness that you expect in ads for the ‘in’ people.

He isn’t alone. He has his arm around a slinky blonde bimbo whose beauty comes from a surgeon, not nature. She is beautiful, in a build your own Frankenstein sort of way. Her perfection matches up with Billy very well. She is wearing a classic little black dress that hangs to just above her knees and its neckline plunges very low exposing a lot of round creamy goodness. It is more than obvious that she is braless and must be feeling chilly in the hospital’s air-conditioning. I’m not sure how tall she is because she is wearing five inch thin heeled pumps. I would want to have a safety-net to wear those shoes.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come by more often, but I’ve been so busy for the last few days.” Billy says.

The doctor follows Billy into my room. I hear a distant crack of thunder and look out my window to see dark storm clouds approaching.

Doug is in a high back chair next to my bed. I feel him caress my arm. Doug looks at the other man.

“Hi Billy, Tonya is going to be making an important decision.” Doug calmly says.

Billy’s eyes never leave me as he says, “I know, that’s why I’m here today Dougie. She can’t live without the excitement and adventure I give her. Tonya, meet Cheryl. She is going to be our new live-in friend. The three of us are going to have fun wild times together.”

The doctor says, “Well miss, you can go home now.”

I’m standing at the foot of the bed next to the doctor. Looking in the mirror on the wall, I see that I’ve got my sexy short sleeve red wraparound on. A white and silver sash is tied tight around my waist holding the material tight to my body, showing off my figure. I’m wearing my pearl necklace and white pumps with the silver ties around my ankles. I notice my arms. There are no scars where I was hurt.

Amazed at the lack of scaring, I say, “Doctor you did a great job. Look, no scars on my arms.”

The doctor stares at me. His demeanor is both serious and sad.

He replies, “It wasn’t as successful as it appears. As usual the most serious scars are the ones you can’t see.”

I stride over to Doug and give him a big hug. I hold him close and tight.

Doug whispers to me, “I trust you to make the right decision, kitten.”

Billy says, “It’s time to go.”

I turn towards Billy. His hand is stretched out to me. I take a step and then stop. I look back over my shoulder at the serene smile on Doug’s face. I turn, walk to Billy and take his hand. He pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my palm. I look at his face, his eyes, and his smile. His countenance says one thing, possession. He has that look a man gives a woman when he knows he owns her.

Looking back at Doug again, I see that same serene smile, but now there is a tear rolling down his cheek.

Billy begins to pull me towards the door.

“Stop for a moment.” I say.

He keeps pulling as he says, “No, let’s go. I don’t have time for this shit.”

“Stop, let go of me!” I yell. “Doug, help me!”

“I knew you would pick what you wanted.” Doug says, as I try to hold on to the doorframe.

“Please Doug, help me. I’m sorry. Don’t let him take me again.” I cry.

Billy keeps pulling on my arm. Doug walks over to me and takes my other wrist. He looks so sad. Doug pulls my hand free of the doorframe and releases me.

As Billy pulls me out the door, I hear Doug say, “Maybe someday kitten. You’re not ready yet.”

I turn to Billy and shoot him in the back of his head with my P2000 9mm. The back of his skull explodes. I look at my arms. They are covered in scars. My hands are covered in blood. The blonde is laughing.

Billy turns around and gives me a blank look for a moment, and then he starts laughing.

He says, “It’s not that easy.”

He pushes me down onto the bed and leans over me.

“Would you like some water?” he says.


My eyes shoot open and I shake my head.

Looking up, I saw a tall middle aged doctor wearing scrubs and wire rimmed glasses. He’s balding and he looks concerned. His name tag shows ‘Dr. Greene’.

“Would you like some water Ms. Morgan? You gave us quite a scare, but I think we are through the worst of it. You’re stable and you shouldn’t have any more problems. How are you feeling?” said Dr. Greene.

“I’m tired. How bad is it?” I said.

“You’re going to be OK. The glass cut the median antebrachial vein in your forearm.” Dr. Greene said as he pointed to my arm to show me the damage.

I couldn’t see how bad it was. My forearm was wrapped like a mummy from my wrist to past my elbow. I could feel some pain, but it wasn’t too bad.

Dr. Greene continued, “You have three lacerations that needed sutures. We did some work on the vein and then stitched up the three worse cuts. Our surgical resident, Dr. Carter, used over twenty stitches. He tried to close the wounds as best he could to reduce scaring. We are keeping you overnight just to be safe. When the painkillers start wearing off, let us know and we will set up a pain management regiment for you. Any questions Ms. Morgan?”

“No. Thanks doctor.”

I was moved to a private room on the second floor. As I was pushed into the room by the orderly, I noticed the walls were a cheerful light pastel yellow. I swiveled my head to look out the window. I was relieved when the only view I had was of another wing of the hospital; no trees, roses, or singing birds.

The nurse came in and introduced herself, checked my vitals and made me feel welcome. I told nurse Hathaway that my arm was starting to hurt pretty bad. She left to get a doctor to set me up with some painkillers.

Doug entered the room. He looked a little haggard, but I bet I looked worse. I know I felt worse in so many ways. He was wearing a scrub shirt and his hair was a mess.

“Doug, thank you. I guess you saved my life.” I said in a voice that sounded happier than it should.

“I just helped out till the experts showed up. They were great. The paramedics had you ready and gone in a flash. That’s what made the difference.” he said. “I wanted to make sure you were alright before I left. Is there anything I can get you kitten?”

I didn’t want him to go, but what could I say?

He came over and lightly brushed my hair away from my forehead. I didn’t know what he was feeling and I was too afraid to ask. I wished he had kissed me goodbye.

As he started to leave, I asked him, “Can you pick me up tomorrow when I checkout? I promise to try and not destroy anything else.” I tried to smile.

“I’ve already made arrangements for tomorrow. Don’t worry about it and get some rest. You left my bathroom in quite a mess and I expect some help cleaning it up.” he joked.

He flashed me that smile that brightens up his face and he didn’t look so tired anymore. Doug left and I laid there and thought about what I was going to do. The nurse came back and had some magic pills for me. They made the pain go away and I went to sleep.

. . . . . . . . . . .

I woke up. My mouth felt like it was full of dessert sand, dry and gritty. I felt my hand being held. It was wonderful to wake up feeling Doug’s hand holding mine.

I turned my head and it was Billy.

“The pretty lady at the desk said you were doing OK and could have visitors.” Billy said, oozing charm with every word.

I jerked my hand away from him. What was he doing here?

“Are you still mad at me Tonya?”

“How can you ask me that? Of course I’m pissed as hell, you bastard. You cheated on me!” I said in disbelief.

The looked at me very seriously and replied, “I told you about that. We were never going to be exclusive. We can talk about this. I can be more discreet if that’s what you want. I want to make it up to you, sweetheart.”

“I don’t want you to make it up to me.” I hissed as my anger began to rise.

As I pushed the call button for the nurse, I said “There are only two things I want from you. Don’t be at the house this evening. I’ll be coming to get my stuff. And second, get the hell out of my life. We are through!”

The nurse entered and immediately froze. He could tell something was going on.

I looked at the nurse and instructed him, “Get this asshole out of my room and make sure he doesn’t come back.”

He sternly looked at Billy and said, “This way, sir. Don’t make me call security?”

As Billy left he looked lost, but he still said, “When you calm down, call me.” And he made a phone gesture with his hand; like he was talking into his pinky and listening with his thumb.

I was still mad! He didn’t get it. The only thing he would ever get from me was my fist in his mouth. He was a lot bigger than me, but if being pissed made you strong, I would be She-Hulk all over his face.

Thanks for your help my dark mistress.

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