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Jersey Rejoicing

"Don't let smoke get in your eyes..."

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This humorous riposte to "Colorado Calling" by Alan Jankowski (Dirty Martini) not only employs the same rhyme scheme, but in fact rhymes perfectly with the original while telling the opposite point of view.

At last he's gone, hip hip hooray!
Let him go mooch off the cannabis cadre.
No doubt he'll return before too long—
(Given the bum's rush, the urge will be strong.)

For too many years I put up with that snake,
His easygoing image was phony, a fake.
Without provocation, a fit he'd pitch,
Whenever he had a budding itch.

One day I decided to call his bluff,
So he stomped around in a terrible huff.
While packing essentials (his pipes and some rye),
He grumbled disjointedly about a Rocky Mountain High.

My heart rejoiced as the door closed with a thud.
Yes! Finally free, I'm rid of a dud.
If the leech thinks he's missed, I must disappoint.
Divorcing that jerk is the foregone end point.

Jobless, no prospects...who will pay for his weed?
For even padded, his resume lists just one deed.
That laughable job? "Journeyman Flock Mucker"—
(He shoveled chicken shit once, the lying guy.)

Ah, but his half-baked dealings are no worry of mine.
The freeloader gone, it's my turn to shine!
No one to whine, complain and be crass—
I'll savor the good life, one with some class.

It's pure bliss to be here on my own,
Not listening to someone just sit there and moan.
The possibilities are endless without him on my dole.
To my good fortune, I lift a glass and say, "Skol!"

I've chucked all his junk that was taking up space.
It couldn't be forwarded; he left with no trace.
No more lazy stoner to serve as my bane,
It's time to celebrate, crack out the champagne!

Whether it's a calling, karma, kismet or fate,
Divine Providence saw fit to give me a clean slate.
And if the ex should happen to invade my new life,
He can keep walking—I'm done with him and his strife.

© 2014 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved


Written by magnificent1rascal
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