“I need a real dog, a dog with some intelligence behind its eyes. Not some dopey, Down Syndrome-looking spaniel that drools every time it sees a bird.” Jenn’s Plenty of Fish profile half-jokingly stated, ‘Must love dogs.’ Yes. A cheeky nod to a mediocre movie. Maybe the ask should have been more prescriptive. Admittedly, the next few moments were not Jenn’s best. She and he did not part ways well. After Jenn a-matter-of-f...

“I don’t know what to say.” “Sure you do.” “But Janie, this time is different.” “Understood. I get that.” “It’s harder. It’s personal.” “It’s always personal,” Janie replied. “You’ve told me that multiple times. Everything ever written is personal. And the more personal, the better the result.” “But this time is different.” “Nathan, you’re repeating yourself. Verbatim, for God’s sake. Not a good look for an accomplished w...

I smelled gas. However, I remained still. I governed my breathes while exploring my predicament. I saw, felt, and heard nothing. However, my ears rang like I'd just left a concert. Thankfully, the thunderous roar had stopped. But the echo of the silence was too loud to think that I was dead. Entombed, yes. Expired, not yet. Living was on the clock and I was in dire need of a Lady Luck spanking. Having regained my wits, I...

“You know the trails? You have GPS?” Done and done. On that fateful day, I broke one of my cardinal rules: Do Not Ride With Strangers. But we were new to the area. He wasn’t. He had GPS. We didn’t. Sure, just like everyone else, my iPhone had Google Maps. But that’s no substitute for navigating waypoints through a wintery bird sanctuary of thousands of indiscernible trees and dozens of frozen swamps. So, we proceeded. He...

"If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic event, you’d take the gold.” "Seriously?" "Shut up!" an exasperated Maeve shot back. "Don't mock me. I'm not good at this." Kerri glared at her soon-to-be, in-a-long-line of ex-girlfriends, girlfriend, reading CHEATER! she'd carved with candy apple red lipstick onto Maeve's forehead. Forcefully dotting the exclamation mark was what intentionally woke Maeve. “I would never, ever......

She thought it but dared not speak. Marie leered at her daughter instead. She loved Tammi, but at that moment, Marie didn’t much care for her. Her child’s actions angered her. They embarrassed her. They reeked of weakness, failure, and regret. “Why, Biscuit?” Marie asked her daughter’s dog. The powder puff of a Pomeranian tilted her head after hearing her name, but dutifully remained on Marie’s lap, on guard and waiting....

“Dad, grandma’s floatin’ in the kitchen,” my five-year-old daughter matter-of-factly said as I’d just settled in to watch the game. “Her foot’s caught on the damn ceilin’ fan again. She’s just spinnin’ ‘round and ‘round… “ “Language,” I gently scolded my youngest before motioning with the TV remote for her to hand me my unfiltered smokes, pork rinds, and beer. “Is your brother at her yet with the sling shot?” “Na. He’s lo...

Her yelling annoyed me. It always did. Helicopter moms. Can’t live with them. Dad certainly couldn’t. But until I finished university, I couldn’t live without. Her house. Her rules. Mom’s nagging, she claimed, was always in everyone's best interest. Dad begged to differ. Reason one hundred and fifty-six for their separation, he’d say. I’m sure that number was significantly higher. But every time I asked, he’d spew a few r...

To everyone in the room, she seemed like just a normal girl wearing Vans, blue jeans, and a red hoodie. But hers was an appearance intended to blend rather than deceive. She once wanted to disappear. But today was different. Anticipation replaced self-pity. Excitement replaced self-hate. Like an emerging butterfly, she shed her restraint. Off slipped her shoes. Her coat hit the floor. She stepped forward. It was her time....

Camping. Love it or hate it, it sucks. Rainy tent erection. Sucks. Boisterous drunken neighbours. Sucks. Mosquitoes. Every single one of them sucks. What doesn’t suck are the shared lasting memories that are both measurable and immeasurable. The indelible ties that bind. The best of which involve firsts. This year, in the shadow and under the stars of our glorious Rocky Mountains, we shared a beer. And not just any beer,...

To everyone in the room, she seemed like just a normal girl wearing Vans, blue jeans, and a red hoodie. She was. Normal. Her grandmother made certain of that. But Gloria, or Glory as her Gran called her, was also extraordinarily special. The universe saw to that. “Shuffle Challenge.”  Glory laughed after she said it, knowing her Gran was much hipper than she let on. She'd heard stories. She’d seen pics. “That’s your idea?...

This numerology thing is cool, but thematically unrelated, but I lead with it anyway. If you add the first twenty even numbers, starting with two and ending with forty, the sum of those twenty numbers equals four hundred and twenty. Go ahead. Try it. Or not. Whatever.If the Waldos knew that sparking up after school would have inspired an annual world-wide celebration of smoking weed at 4:20, which coincidentally occurs on...

“Boy oh boy, it’s a hot one,” my wife exclaimed as she gave the sweating pitcher one last swirl before pouring each of us a glass. Exhausted and relieved, I sipped my iced tea while slowly rocking in the hammock of our screened porch. I savored my reward while my dog and I watched the movers close the back of their truck before driving away. Knuckles then curled up beneath me and fell asleep. This was me honoring our agre...

The Boy Able to take advantage of a much-ballyhooed birthday gift, my son successfully completed an introductory snorkeling class. We then went shopping. Standing at the mercy of an empty big box sporting goods store, not comforted by the proper diving specialty shop we should have visited, I quickly realized my mistake. The sales associate was young and kind, but ultimately unknowledgeable. Dismayed with the struggling c...