Jackson_Banks

Stories

Jackson Goes for a Run, Realizes Why He Hates Birds

A man finds he's the pig in a real life game of Angry Birds.…

It was the first legitimate spring day of the season. The air finally warmed, the sun was out and there was not a cloud in the sky. I decided that rather than go to the gym and pretend to be a hamster on the tedious treadmill; I would call my friend…

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Welcome to the Jungle

A man discovers the downside to joining a gym and eating healthy.…

I had assumed that I was the only person in the office at that early hour, but clearly someone was nearby as I bent over to retrieve the files I had just managed to spill all over the floor. Perhaps it was a burglar, or a homeless squatter. Whoever i…

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Jackson Goes to Starbucks, Realizes Why People Hate Lawyers

The author, a lawyer, learns from Starbucks why people hate his kind.…

Coma patients should receive transfusions of my blood. Enough caffeine is coursing through my veins at any given moment that my blood could probably literally wake the dead. My addiction to coffee is so bad that I wake up in the mornings feeling hung…

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Happy Ending

A man receives his first massage, and finds a happy ending (not THAT kind).…

I generally do not like massages. There is something about a fully clothed stranger touching me while naked that resonates weird in my mind. It brings to mind the clinical setting of my doctor’s office instead of a relaxing environment. Masseuses al…

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Santa, maybe?

A man's travels find him face to face with a nightmare before Christmas.…

Spectacular is the only word that can describe the view from the plane window flying into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. One gets fearful as the Grand Tetons appear as though they will scrape the bottom of the plane at any second. One ponders whether at any …

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(Mis)Adventures in Plumbing

A husband's misguided journey into the world of do-it-yourself plumbing projects.…

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, I walked down the stairs into the living room where my lovely wife had assumed her normal position. “On Monday, remind me to call the home warranty people. My bathroom sink’s cold water lever doesn’t work any longer,”…

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Cat's Got A Tongue

A husband does battle with his wife's cat for head of the household.…

Before the church would marry us, it required that we attend a “marriage compatibility” class. I began my unsuccessful attempt to promote elopement as the best way to achieve our mutual goal upon learning this. My soon-to-be wife was quite insistent,…

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The Devil Went Down to Georgia

A husband's quest to vanquish his mother-in-law from his life.…

Ask most people what I do for a living and they’ll say I chase ambulances. That is simply false. I married a nurse precisely because I am not a good runner and did not want to have to chase them. In truth, my actual job title is “Attorney and Counsel…

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Penny

A young man contemplates joining the ranks of fatherhood.…

No babies. Ever. It is a strictly enforced, no exception policy I have put into place. Everyone I know told me that it was a foolish policy to implement. One day, they insisted, I would change my mind and have at least one child. Parents, grandparent…

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