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The Workshop

A short story meant for horror, but was too short.

The all-consuming flames wash over me and start a fire in my core. Although I burn, so does the air about. The blistering heat of the forge peels away the grimy layer of metal, but as I fold it, a new layer forms. The hammer strikes. Sparks fly. Hair igni...

Are you Elfing Nuts?

Striking Elves?

“Are you elfing nuts? You can’t go on strike!” hollered Santa. Yes, there were times when the ‘Big Guy’ bellowed, or even screamed. Like the time Blitzen accidently stepped on his big toe – the one with the bulging bunion, or when Mrs. Claus accidently sp...

Anonymous

"Not guilty, Your honor, for how were my reindeer to see the old lady crossing the street!" Santa explained loudly. "But why were they flying so low in the first place!" The lawyer cried out. "That little old lady didn't even suspect after enjoying the ho...

Santa Shot My Dad

A jolly old fat man with a nickel-plated nine.

"It's not what it looks like," he said as I walked in. Ever since I was little I’d wanted to meet Santa, but silently sneaking down the stairs on Christmas Eve to find him standing over my father’s body was not how I’d pictured it. "You’ve kill my dad!" I...

An ample woman and her tubby hubby were nestled on the couch. He was watching football and her eyes were waltzing over the pages of Romeo and Juliet.  “Look babe! There I am!” and he pointed to a number on TV that matched the jersey he was wearing...She p...

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Santa, maybe?

A man's travels find him face to face with a nightmare before Christmas.

Spectacular is the only word that can describe the view from the plane window flying into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. One gets fearful as the Grand Tetons appear as though they will scrape the bottom of the plane at any second. One ponders whether at any momen...

SANTAPEDIA: Anti-Child Attitudes at the North Pole in the 1950’s

A union’s proposal jeopardizes child safety.

Overview Credible Christmas historians have long known that the North Pole was not always a child-friendly place. This was evident in the early 1950’s, when resentment over impossible Christmas Eve toy delivery schedules was intense. On February 11, 1952,...

Santa’s Voice Menu System

A telephone voice recognition menu system for talking to Santa heals a family.

“Pwesent!,” my daughter shouted. “Pwesent!” “I’m sorry,” the elfin voiced on the telephone said. “I didn’t understand that. If you want a present for yourself from Santa, say ‘Present.’ If you want Santa to get something for Mommy or Daddy, say ‘Parent.’...

I Shot Santa Claus in Self-Defense!

Mr. Potato Head, an Amish Santa, and a strange Mariachi all point to an inevitable conclusion.

“Should I start just before I shot Mr. Potato Head in the face?” I asked. “No,” Callahan replied. “Pick it up earlier than that.” “When I discovered that Santa Claus was Amish?” I asked. “Before that,” Callahan replied. And then he looked at me and made h...