Acting on impulse; farting to temporarily stun the Sargent, I pluck a cocktail umbrella from the raging woman’s dress. Impromptu dart blowing weapon fashioned with the pink straw. My jaw set as I look for my target. I only came to pay homage to the fashi...
Sergeant, what are you doing with that orange bag over your head? I told you to cuff them, not muck about!, And ... O my god, that woman’s hardly got a stitch on — cover her up with a black bag someone — and as for you Cocktail Dress Lady, haven’t you go...
Looking closer, I realize who shambling man is.My ex, G, Garbageman. I should have known. He never could resist anything in polyethylene.I stand up, adjust my cocktail umbrella "dress", ready to confront that no good ex-garbageman. I'm about to grab his a...
ALRIGHT, QUIET EVERYBODY! No one is to leave — and that means you three. Names please. Ahem, it has been drawn to our attention that there has recently been some highly irregular behaviour in this bar, and there will be prosecutions. Do you want me to spe...
Sashaying, (or should I say, sacheting?) back, Rumps is eerily quiet. Not a solitary belch marks my return. ”TRAADAAAAAAA!” I shout, twirling around the ‘exercise’ pole for maximum impact. Voluminous orange polyethylene billowing; his enchanting, porcine...
Head throbbing I open my eyes."Why am I still in the bar?"I remember ordering a few non-virgin Hannahs. The table in front of me is covered in cocktail umbrellas. I look down aware that I am wearing an "outfit" made entirely of cocktail umbrellas. It gets...
He was hot. In a sweaty way. Not that I could talk, I’d out perspired a horse in this ensemble hours ago. “Who said I was nice?” I smirked, pulling an extra long neon pink straw from my French plait. His muddy eyes widened, mouth flapping semi seductivel...
