The Old Couple

An old couple meet at a coffee shop.“Harry! How are you doing?!”“Hilda! I’m doing well.”They hug and Harry pulls Hilda’s seat out for her, removing his hat and putting it on the table.“Can I get you something?” Hilda asks.“Just my usual two cents,” H…

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I stood there, gazing into that empty, yawning abyss. I felt a strange nostalgia. A melancholy that was both familiar and unnerving.I knew this place, long ago.Time began to slow.My tears began to flow.I have arrived.Goodbye.…

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The Man With...

A silly rhyme I made up before going to sleep.…

There’s a man with an ostrich,he’s got it on a lead;he’s taking it for a walk!I shouldn’t gawk.Now there’s a hawkand he’s going “squawk, squawk!”He coming at me.Woop, there goes my knee!The man with an ostrich,he’s got a cannon now.Ka-pow! Ka-pow!Oof…

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I kinda like the flow of this. Maybe I'll do audio.…

Hello? Hi? Ehhhugh, hum?Y'all? D'ye exist?I exist?Anyone? Anyone at all?But, no. Nobody did exist.But somebody must have.Existed, that is.Otherwise this wouldn't  exist.But what is existence without purpose? Is that just, sorta, being? Like a thing. …

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A Poem, Written Drunk, Edited Drunker

Go away, fuck off, back to your bunker.It has no title,but understanding is vital.Stop.Here’s the poem:I saw somebody.She was beautiful.An energy that didn’t fit,yet she owned it.I found outshe likes to twist and shout.But does she like ...?Her polar…

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An Open Letter: Arte's Thoughts

I'm just a visitor, but even I can see what's wrong here.…

Dear Humans,You're all so weird! Sorry, let me start that again. I've been on your planet for 35 years. I've witnessed some things that I wouldn't want anyone else to, yet people do. I've seen the world through the eyes of a baby, growing up to becom…

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I'm back with more silliness!…

Snackin' like it's going outta fashion,I've got a smile, it's flashing. I'm happy as fuck,hear me play with my rubber duck!  I got hit by a truck!  Still snackin', just through a tube, at this rate, I'll lose the moobs. When I make a recovery,I'm gon…

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How Many Potatoes?

Just a little absurd story.…

Four hundred and twenty potatoes. A client asked me to take a picture of that on my Exacta 66 camera. I contemplated as I sipped my dirty martini. I do get a lot of absurd requests, but this takes the cake. Speaking of cake, let’s get baked. I forgot…

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Written one painful day, outside work.…

Pain, pain, go away,Fuck me up never a day. An hour or more is all I ask,Is that really such a task?I wear a mask of brave facedness, But inside, my lies are bare faced. Nobody sees because I hide,For what else do I do, lest I slide?So, here I go, it…

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The House

There's a house at the top of the hill. Haunted, of course.It doesn't want to kill, or even chill. Benevolent, of course. It used to be a mill. Abandoned, of course. They made twill. Aeons ago, of course. Now the house sits lonely and old. Awaiting i…

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Another Unedited Musing

It's unedited. Enjoy it, or whatever.…

I’m not entirely sure I like you.Everything here is too bright and too dark. It’s a fucking paradox and it doesn’t make any sense.It doesn’t even make paradoxical sense.Like, why am I sitting here typing this? My hands are betraying me.The wind is ha…

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Painful Poetry

Self-loathing is fun!…

The ideas are here,but so’s the pain,it’s making me feel rather wan.It’s not a perfect rhyme,but give me time.Why do poems have to rhyme?A poem doesn’t have to rhyme,just as long as it makes the readerspend time.Time is great, but waste it not. Rathe…

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An Enchanting Forest Walk

I love my enchanted forest walks.…

I want to take a walk through an enchanted forest. Feel the dew drops at my fingers. Sink deep into a magickal cavern. Get lost in the scents and taste the rain.In my magickal daydream, the forest welcomes me.I climb to the highest heights and take a…

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A Conversation With a Crocodile

Crocodile tears, eh?…

I met a crocodile with a smile as wide as a mile. Said I to the crocodile"what are you doing with that mile-smile?"Said he to me "I've just had a tasty tourist!"He looked at me with eyes of wist,"are you a yummy snack?"I looked him back"no, Sir Croc,…

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Genders, Genitals and Gripes

Oh, so you identifiy as *insert gender*? You want a prize?…

As most of you know, I am a man. I wear nail polish and have my hair long. I occasionally wear makeup and crossdress a little bit. As traditional gender roles go, I’ve eschewed most of them. I don’t see the point of them. When I was wee, I’d play wit…

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Boobies and Other Offensive Stuff

Go away, I'm offended.…

I love boobs. They’re fun to play with, feel, suck and look at. Boobs are great fun. That’s not where my love of them stops, though. My point of view about breasts is controversial, though it really shouldn’t be. They serve a biological function. Let…

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Mighty Midnight Monster

Beware the Mighty Midnight Monster…

A mighty midnight monstercomes creeping and crawling.It wants your blood, wants to devour you.It lurks ‘neath the bed, biding its time,plotting, scheming... It must have your flesh.Its pointy teeth are sharper than cheese,its claws are enough to make…

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Just an update on my lack of writing.…

This musing, which is really more of an outpouring of crap, will be shorter than usual. As some of you know, I’ve been having a lot of wrist pain for the past year or two. It’s been getting progressively worse since I took my current job. You’ll have…

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Oh, Is It, Now? Thanks For That.

Yes, I know the last word isn't a word. Creative licence, y'all.…

Just because I gave a man a thock,I’m in the dock,for one wee thock.He batted my sushi away,“meat is murder”, he did bray,so he got a thock,and now I’m in the dock.The judge, not easily swayed,decided I was to be put away,for thirty days, no less!The…

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The Irksome Quirk at Work

An irksome quirk of thesystem at work,is the way it misinterpretsdates. If you've lived in your house since birth, the system saying:"Date cannot be earlier than date of birth"really doesn't bring any mirth. A simple symbol would be all it tookto rec…

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