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Goldilocks and the Three Pigs

A teenage girl has an adventure with three little pigs

Once upon a time in a land not so far away there was a girl named Žaneta, who was known to her friends as Goldilocks, on account of her beautiful long hair that was as yellow as a buttercup.  One sunny day, Goldilocks awoke to a snorty squeaky noise comin...

Lord Bodrum and the Dagger

Not just the opening to the worst novel imaginable, but also a bad sentence in its own right.

As Lord Bodrum drew his dying breath, he reflected on it all: on his miraculous beginnings and privileged childhood, on his undeserved fall from grace in the court jester scandal and subsequent rise to the throne of a vast kingdom upon proving his innocen...


Please read the tags – they are necessary to the greatest understanding and enjoyment of this piece.

Collected 'poems' about one of life's basic needs... Inkling I sort of need to pee Urgency The urge is growing increasingly... urgent Realization No restroom is within walking distance! Desperation I can barely hold it now Relief A warm contentment washes...

Fear and Loathing in Oz - Chapter II

Things contintue to get weird

I must have passed out again. Either that, or what followed was too horrible to remember, which is my guess, seeing as my last memory is of a trio of the little fucks chasing after me waving cat fetuses impaled on tent stakes and turning the landscape int...

Fear and Loathing in Oz - Chapter I

An hommage to Hunter S Thompson and L. Frank Baum.

 Beside us raced the hurricane. 140 mph of sheer twisted speed, barely able to keep up with the rented Corvette we’d picked up in Toledo, let alone my amphetamine fueled brain. Under the dashboard was enough acid and ecstasy to turn an entire nation of ji...