In the beginning was a box (bought wholesale at the flea circus gift shop) inside that box was a world. Outside that box were instructions: (be quiet, pay attention) __ Unwrap box along the perforated edge in the plastic provided for your convenience. Discard wrapping in recycling bin. Grab sharp utensil. stab holes inside the veil of the world. (This is so it can breathe. creation makes many beings, and worlds quite gass...
Once upon a time in a land not so far away there was a girl named Žaneta, who was known to her friends as Goldilocks, on account of her beautiful long hair that was as yellow as a buttercup. One sunny day, Goldilocks awoke to a snorty squeaky noise coming from under her window. She was used to funny occurrences, and she wondered if the day would lead to an adventure. Goldilocks was no stranger to adventures, like the tim...
As Lord Bodrum drew his dying breath, he reflected on it all: on his miraculous beginnings and privileged childhood, on his undeserved fall from grace in the court jester scandal and subsequent rise to the throne of a vast kingdom upon proving his innocence, and, naturally, on the five-inch dagger with its hilt barely discernible in his waning peripheral vision, as well as the circumstances by which the handle, intricatel...
This man decided to make a sandwich, but you WON'T BELIEVE what happened next. My jaw dropped! How is this even possible? An AMAZING life hack you NEED to see! You've been doing it wrong your whole life. This. Changes. EVERYTHING. - - For the full story, CLICK HERE - - - - - - Uh, I put the jam on first when I'm making a PB and J. - Related Content: • What this dog does every day will leave you sobbing. No wonde...
Collected 'poems' about one of life's basic needs... Inkling I sort of need to pee Urgency The urge is growing increasingly... urgent Realization No restroom is within walking distance! Desperation I can barely hold it now Relief A warm contentment washes over me Regret I wish I'd found a bathroom
I must have passed out again. Either that, or what followed was too horrible to remember, which is my guess, seeing as my last memory is of a trio of the little fucks chasing after me waving cat fetuses impaled on tent stakes and turning the landscape into a bloody Jackson Pollack painting. I was sure that the little bastards had been smoking viagra laced crack and were going to violate me and then cut me open like a scie...
Beside us raced the hurricane. 140 mph of sheer twisted speed, barely able to keep up with the rented Corvette we’d picked up in Toledo, let alone my amphetamine fueled brain. Under the dashboard was enough acid and ecstasy to turn an entire nation of jihad spouting Islamists into black-eyed love monkeys. Wrapped up in tinfoil and enough duct tape to open our own OSH to keep those drug sniffing bastard Nazis commonly kno...
