Christmas isn't the same anymore...it hasn't been the same in a long time. But this year...something about this year that was just so...terrifying, awful, disappointing. The house outside doesn't light up...not like it used to. My father used to be out there the day after Thanksgiving...it's 5 days before Christmas...still no lights. I'd do it myself but...I'm pretty sure he threw them out...and what's the point really? I...

He found her in the kitchen talking to the broccoli, leaving the carrots whispering to one another. In the far corner he noticed some newly arrived brussels sprouts, huddled together, nervously watching on. He ambled over and started chatting, trying to put them at their ease. Unfortunately they had just witnessed the cauli being dropped into a pan of boiling water and were feeling distinctly nervous. They'd been brought...

It’s time to stop being cute and coy and simply wish you Christmas joy because the day is rapidly approaching. May you smile at all the lights that brighten up the winter nights and I’ll stop being caustic and reproaching. Reindeer should not swear at elves. They should just be their furry selves. (I confess I wrote the swearing scene.) Policemen should not shoot till dead an innocent Mr. Potato Head. (My work again, so v...

Spectacular is the only word that can describe the view from the plane window flying into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. One gets fearful as the Grand Tetons appear as though they will scrape the bottom of the plane at any second. One ponders whether at any moment the airline will play some documentary soundtrack to fit the experience; something with drums and trumpets. This, of course, presupposes that you are one of those fortu...

Overview Credible Christmas historians have long known that the North Pole was not always a child-friendly place. This was evident in the early 1950’s, when resentment over impossible Christmas Eve toy delivery schedules was intense. On February 11, 1952, the rancorous “This ain’t milk and cookies…” negotiating session took place at the North Pole. The following reconstruction of part of that session comes from personal d...

Christmas Poem © Copyright 2011 Autumn Writer Silent forest, leafless trees in frozen night in darkness shadows rise and come to life—black brigades, pointed arms, reach out to barricade the Seeking Soul. The brilliant moon brights a meadow close beyond. But sullen timbers slumber ‘neath snow blankets, near forgot, Stumble, fall; the saving light appears so close away. As snow is foe, it is the ocean on which to sail,a co...

“Pwesent!,” my daughter shouted. “Pwesent!” “I’m sorry,” the elfin voiced on the telephone said. “I didn’t understand that. If you want a present for yourself from Santa, say ‘Present.’ If you want Santa to get something for Mommy or Daddy, say ‘Parent.’ For anything else, please say ‘Other.’ “Pawent!,” my little girl shouted. “Pawent!” “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand that…….” My daughter Penny was now crying. I hung up t...

“Should I start just before I shot Mr. Potato Head in the face?” I asked. “No,” Callahan replied. “Pick it up earlier than that.” “When I discovered that Santa Claus was Amish?” I asked. “Before that,” Callahan replied. And then he looked at me and made his pitch. “You know,” he said, “we’ve already wasted three days on this. Internal Affairs has better things to do than spend time on your pranks. Do us all a favor. Admit...

The Christmas holiday season has always been a memorable time of year. Whether it is time spent with family, those special gifts from a loved one, or simply the smell of Grandma's cooking, every Christmas has always had something worthy of remembrance. The story of the Christmas holiday which I am about to relate holds a special fondness. It happened many years ago when I was still a single guy in my twenties. One of the...